


The Coldest Flames

by VanamesGurl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Affection Starved Keith, Keith learns what a family is, Space Dad Shiro, Touch Starved Keith, Will probably tag as I go, just give Keith happiness please, team as a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-12-26 06:27:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12053229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanamesGurl/pseuds/VanamesGurl
Summary: Keith still can't seem to grasp that he is loved and cared for, and that is just unacceptable.





	1. Chapter 1

_My Paladin, if you keep getting distracted, we are never going to be able to successfully form Voltron._ The Red Lion’s voice was slightly annoyed, but Keith was-big surprise-too distracted to listen.

                “Lance, of _course_ she didn’t really like you!” Keith shouted. “She was trying to steal your _Lion_! She was a traitor! Their species don’t even feel emotions!”

                “You must be crazy, Keith!” Lance hollered back. “I made her feel love! I totally won her over!”

                “Then why is she trying to shoot us down from a _warship?!_ ” Keith was on the verge of blowing up, he was so angry. How could Lance be so dumb? He had flirted away and let this alien girl get too close, and she had nearly gotten Blue! Then, out of nowhere, this warship showed up, that alien chick was onboard, and they were getting their butts handed to them. It was humiliating, but even more so because they weren’t even Galra. It was just some warship from some alien species, and it had so many cannons that the Lions could hardly get close enough to meld into Voltron.

                _Which wouldn’t work even if you_ did _get close enough!_ Red scolded, but, again, Keith wasn’t listening.

                “She’s angry that we’re being kept apart!” Lance argued back.

                “You _have_ to be kidding!” Keith shouted, ignoring his _minor_ voice crack. “You can’t seriously look at all of this, and still think-”

                “Enough!” Shiro was pissed, which was the only thing shutting the two Paladins up. “We need to figure out how to form Voltron, and we can’t do that with you two at each other’s throats!”

                A this, both Keith and Lance scowled, both refusing to back down, but also unwilling to make Shiro angrier. Shiro just sighed, but none of them could comment further. The battle was becoming too fierce and wild. Lasers and explosions were going off everywhere, the Lions could hardly dodge fast enough, and everyone was taking heavy fire. If they didn’t form Voltron soon, they would most likely have to retreat.

                “We need a plan!” Shiro’s voice demanded over the comms. “Any ideas?”

                “I mean, I have a ton, but nothing for right now.” Lance commented, before grunting in effort as he pulled the Blue Lion through a hasty defensive maneuver. Keith bit his cheek, hating just how impressed he was with Lance’s skills. “Guys, I don’t know how much longer we can keep this up!”

                Keith knew he was right, as did the others, but he also knew he was in the best shape. Having the smallest and fastest Lion made it easier to avoid hits, and his stubbornness really added to his sense of endurance. And, since the Paladins took on a part of their Lion’s strain, Keith was also physically better off than his team. Not that he liked it-if it were up to him, he’d be the one taking all the fire to buy his team’s safety.

                “I have a plan.” Keith spoke without really thinking it through. Judging by the other Paladins’ sighs of relief, though, this idea would be their only hope. “We fly back to the Castle, lower the particle barrier just long enough to fly though, then form Voltron and fly out just as fast. The Castle will take a few hits, but I’m not seeing another way out of this.”

                “You’re right, Keith.” Shiro reassured him. “This is our only chance-are you ready, Princess?”

                “Of course. You’ll have six ticks.” The Princess’s voice was steady and calm, but Keith could still hear the strain. Without pause, the Paladins flew their Lions into the safety of the barrier. At the last second, though, Keith pulled back, letting the barrier close in front of him. He quickly spun around, dodging another laser blast. Over the comms, the other Paladins were panicking.

                “Keith, what the hell are you doing?” Pidge yelled, Green racing around, tracking Red from past the barrier.

                “Allura, drop the barrier again!” Shiro ordered, while Hunk hollered “I can’t get back through!”

                “Keith, get back here! Think about what you’re doing. This is stupid, you need-” Keith switched off his comms, cutting Lance off, muttering “Not today, common sense.”

                Keith flew Red, booking it past and around the hostile ship. None of the lasers were even grazing Red’s hide, but Keith was still able to blast his own beams back. The warship was taking heavy damage, now that Keith was able to move without worrying over his teammates. With the fear of his team being injured now removed, he could focus on the battle wholeheartedly.

                He narrowed his indigo eyes, his determination lining up perfectly with Red’s. Lion and Paladin became one, which improved their fighting strength and agility, but also left him open to his fellow Paladins’ strongest emotions. He and Red danced through the air, outwardly seeming to be perfectly content under the enemy’s heavy fire, but internally, Keith felt like he was drowning in emotions.

                Fear was the strongest one, setting him on edge and making him grind his teeth. He grit his teeth and did his best to shut down his team’s worries and concerns. Right now, a single slip in his attention could result in a lot of pain, for both him and Red, and that wasn’t a mistake he could allow. If he failed here, then what would be the point in tricking his team into safety?

                Red and Keith dodged another few blasts, and found themselves on the rival ship’s hull. If Keith could manage to blow only part of the ship, then they would have to retreat, and the whole battle would end in Voltron’s favor. The only problem was that any damage Red did would be too much, and the whole ship could explode.

                _Behind you, Paladin. The bombs._ Red’s voice was heavy with distaste, but she understood that this sort of plan would need to work. Even if it was dangerous.

                “Better me than them, though, right, Red?” Ignoring her growls of protest, Keith leapt from his seat and carefully hefted the mysterious crate Pidge had asked him to store. He’d had no clue what the crate was, but he’d always had a tough time saying no when Pidge gave him _that_ look. What did Hunk call it? Puppy dog eyes? It made him weak and he hated it.

                Knowing that the crate was full of explosives made Keith shudder. Pidge really was a girl to be feared.

                Keith ran out of Red, crate in his arms, and began dropping bombs that immediately magnetized to the ship’s hull. After leaving all twelve in a rough circle, Keith quickly ran back to Red. He saw the warning flashing from the bombs, he knew the explosion was coming, but he just couldn’t run fast enough. No matter how hard he was pushing himself, his legs just seemed too slow. He was within arm’s reach of Red’s jaw when the first explosion hit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the fucking angst

   A cool sort of darkness had settled on Keith's skin some time while he had been healing. He knew this, but in his mind he had closed his eyes on a world on fire, and opened them to his team crowding around. 

  Right now, Shiro was holding him up, supporting Keith like he weighed nothing. Allura was talking, though, so Keith tried to not let his apparent weightlessness bother him. 

  "Keith, I understand that you did your best in this situation, but you need to  _ think _ . You can not charge in to situations and just assume we'll be able to get you out of there! And turning your comms off is unacceptable! You can  _ not  _ scare us like that! What do you think would happen if we hadn't gotten there in time, Keith?" Her voice was surprisingly wobbly, taking Keith by surprise. "What would we have done if you had  _ died _ ?"

  Keith didn't even bother trying to defend himself. How could he? He had no idea what to do when faced with people who actually gave a damn about him. He wanted to apologize, but would they accept it? He also wanted to hug her to reassure her that he was okay, but would that be weird? Lance hugged everyone, and no one seemed to mind. Hell, people practically RAN to Hunk, so surely hugs were okay? 

  He must've taken too long to decide, though, because then Shiro was pulling him away, saying, "Keith needs a shower and some food, guys. Then we can all yell at him."

That got Keith to scowl. When Lance came out of the pod, he got a Hunk Hug™, but Keith got yelled at? This is some bullshit. 

* * *

 

  Later, after a nice shower and some questionable goo, Keith found himself sitting on the couch in the common area, his team standing around him. Nobody was saying anything, and Keith wouldn't - couldn't - look at them. He could tell Hunk was fidgeting, as though he kept moving but was stopping himself. Lance was pacing, and Shiro was tapping his foot with his arms crossed.  Pidge was eerily still. 

  Finally, Lance broke the silence. "What went through your  _ head _ ?!" He demanded. "You lied to us, you  _ tricked  _ us, and for what?! To steal the glory? To prove something? Keith, what the hell?!"

  "Lance, breathe." Shiro's voice made Keith flinch. It was heavy, weighed down with disappointment. "Yes, what Keith did was irresponsible, but yelling won't solve this. We need to talk." Shiro sighed, turning to Keith. "And we ARE going to talk. What you did was... Keith, what you did was… it was unacceptable."

  "You scared us to death." Pidge's voice made Keith look up, but he immediately regretted when he saw the tears in her eyes. "We kept screaming for you. The ship started retreating but Red was just drifting, and you weren't replying, it was just silent and..." Her voice wobbled as she trailed off. Hunk gently rest a hand on her shoulder before speaking. 

  "Keith, we're a team. You need to trust us to back you up, and we need to trust that you'll let us." Keith glared down at his feet, determined to avoid Hunk's soulful eyes at all costs. Hunk kept talking, though. "When we turned around and you were flying away...man, I don't think I've ever felt so scared. You can't do that to us."

  It was too much. Keith's throat was burning, and he couldn't unclench his jaw. 

_   I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I don't want to hurt you guys _

  The words burned in his mind, but but, like always, he couldn’t get them out.. His face twisted into a scowl, and his frustration swelled up inside of him. The air grew heavy with emotions he’d never understood, and his head swam with feelings he doesn't know how to express. He knew he had to fix this, but he didn't know how. He knew he messed up big time, but saying sorry wouldn't do a lick of good. It never did. 

  He tried to say sorry to his dad, but that never stopped him from abandoning Keith. 

He tried to apologize to every foster parent he was ever too difficult with, but he was always shipped away anyway. 

  He tried to say sorry for being so different, but nobody ever cared. 

  So Keith just held his tongue and suffocated on the words he couldn't get out. 

  This, evidently, was what his team seemed to expect. They all heaved sighs of various degree, but seemed to accept it. Keith scowled and fought back tears, trying to pretend that he hadn’t seen the disappointment in his team’s eyes. Shiro turned to leave, the other’s about to follow, when Allura spoke up.

  “Surely there’s more to say?” Allura said, voice shocked enough that Keith looked at her in surprise. “After something like this, surely there’s more to say? You can’t leave it like this, Keith hasn’t even said anything!”

  “Princess, Keith doesn’t…He isn’t exactly social.” Lance explained, looking like every word hurt. “Back on earth, before we found Blue, Keith was living in a shack in the desert, all alone. He just doesn’t like people.”

  Keith tried. He tried to ignore the pain those words caused. When nobody on the team disagreed, when they all  _ nodded _ instead, he tried. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to show weakness. He had to wait until he was alone, when the sweat and tears mixed on his face in the training room so that nobody could tell that he’d been crying in the first place. But they weren’t letting him leave, they were blocking the way, looking at him expectantly.

  He knew what they expected: the tantrum, the storming out, the slamming door, the shouting. But he was  _ scared _ . He just wanted to feel safe, but they wouldn’t let him. Perhaps, if he tried letting them in, they would just look at him with disgust, like all of his foster parents. He wasn’t  _ supposed _ to cry, it was annoying and loud and people always yelled at him for it. He hadn’t cried in years. Sometimes he wondered if he knew how to anymore.

  Right now, though, Keith remembered perfectly. He could feel the waterworks kicking in. But Keith refused to break down, especially not in front of the whole team.  _ Not today, bitch _ . 

  He jumps from the couch and makes it to the door, once again ignoring his team as they call out his name. Before he can touch the screen to open it, though, a flash of red pulses through the room, and a giant metal grate slams down, blocking the door. Keith is left gaping, his hand stupidly hovering in the air. 

  “I’ve locked the room, Keith, and only I can unlock it.” Allura’s voice rang out, explaining the sudden trap. “Nobody leaves until we talk this out.”

  Keith struggled to breathe. He had been trapped before. He was eight, and he had asked too many questions of his foster mother at the time. She had been pissed and locked him the closet overnight. For the next three months, he had been forced into the closet for hours on end if he so much as breathed wrong. He still woke up sweating with the memory, sometimes. He hadn’t figured out how to sleep with his door open, so he sometimes just slept in the kitchen, since there wasn’t a door.

  Now, though, he was trapped. The large living room(as dubbed by Lance) was suddenly too small, with too many people. There was no way out. Keith knew he should have kept his emotions locked down. Did he scowl too much? He didn’t pout, did he? Erin hated when he pouted, she used to hit him for it. Or was it her husband John, who had locked him in here this time? He always took pleasure in listening to Keith cry behind the door. What did he do this time? Why was he being locked away?

  “Keith, you need to talk. The silent treatment won’t work.” 

  Who was talking? Where was he? Keith couldn’t see anything except the door. It was always some door, keeping him trapped and confined. He had to get out. He couldn’t stay here, he wanted his dad, he was just a scared kid. His breath stopped coming, why is it so dark what’s happening nothing makes sense  _ I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared I’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscared _ -

  “Keith, this behavior-” Allura was talking! It was Allura, and he was Keith, the Red Paladin of Voltron. He was locked in the stupid living room because he scared his team, and he was okay. Well, not okay, but not at Erin and John’s house, which was good. He was on the castle-ship, which was even better. What wasn’t good was the panic that still lingered in his chest, and the tiny voice in his head screaming at him to ‘ _ run, run away, danger, find safety, RUN!’ _ that was growing louder as the seconds ticked by. 

  “Open the door, Allura.” Keith’s voice was hoarse. It burned his throat as it came out. “Open the  _ damn _ door.” Ah, anger. Good ol’ coping mechanism 2.0.

  “Keith, we need to-” Shiro tried stepping forward, but Keith was no longer able to process what was a real threat and what wasn’t. He pulled out his Galran blade from its sheath and brandished it threateningly. 

  “Open the  _ god damn door _ , Allura.” Keith didn’t recognize his voice. He didn’t recognize  _ himself _ . The Keith that he thought he was would never threaten his friends. He had spent years repressing this side of himself - this feral, hurt, scared animal. And now, with a locked door, it all came crumbling down.

  “Keith, it's okay. You’re okay, buddy.” Shiro’s words went in one ear and right out the other. Keith was beyond processing things, he was a ball of instinct, his sense of self trapped in his head with no way out.

  “Open the door!” Keith’s breaths were ragged, burning his throat as stood, crouched and ready to fight.

  “Keith…” Lance’s voice wasn’t meant to catch his attention, the name falling from the boy’s lips accidentally. But the pain in that single syllable, the absolute heartache in Lance’s eyes, is what caught Keith. It chilled him to see Lance be so open about his pain, but the real shock came from the fact that it was Keith’s fault. It was Keith making Lance look like that. 

  Keith let the blade slide through his fingers, the clang of luxite on the metal floor the only sound in the room. Slowly, Keith looked over to Allura and whispered, “Just open the door.  _ Please _ .”

 “If you don’t leave, I’ll open it.” Allura’s voice was soft. “We want to talk to you, Keith. Don’t walk away.”

  “I won’t leave. Just open it.” Keith wasn’t sure if he was even telling the truth. Running seemed to be the better option. Running, then training. He’d run away before, even if he hated to admit it. 

  Hunk moving towards him drew Keith’s eye, and a tiny spark of hope lit up his chest at the thought that Hunk might be about to hug him. Before he could though, Pidge spoke up. 

“Hunk, give him some space.”

  The little flicker of hope died.

  “Keith, buddy,” Hunk said quietly.“I know you don’t like being touched, but I think you could really use a hug right now.” He held his hands up, as though approaching Keith was akin to soothing a wild animal. In some ways, Keith agreed. “So, if you really don’t want me to, I won’t, but-”

  Keith slammed into Hunk, wrapping his arms around the big guy as much as he could. When Hunk hugged him back, Keith’s anxieties were soothed. This was okay. It was okay to hug Hunk. His whole body gradually went limp, sagging against Hunk’s solid warmth. Keith’s rapidly beating heart slowed back into a normal rhythm, and his burning throat finally soothed. It was as if everything in him froze at the physical contact, then slowly, painstakingly slowly, began to unwind. Keith focused on matching his breathing with Hunk’s, until he finally had an even in and out once more.

 For once in his life, Keith was happy to be exactly where he was. Even if Hunk was not-so-subtly crying. 

  “Keith, buddy? You… uh, you’re hugging me. You’re actually hugging me. Willingly. Uh, I don’t know what to do here.” Despite the uncertainty in his voice, Hunk’s arms were secure. Keith didn’t pull away, but he did tense up again. “No, no no no, it’s okay, buddy, it’s okay.” 

  Keith relaxed again, reassured by the gentle rubbing at his back. He allowed Hunk’s warmth to envelope him, like what he imagined a giant teddy bear would be like. 

  “Keith, can we all talk?” Shiro’s voice was strained, but by what Keith couldn’t tell. “Can you turn around?”

  Keith hesitated. He was better off where nobody could see him. But, then again, Shiro had never asked him for something in that tone of voice before. Besides, it was a simple request, right? 

  Keith took a deep breath and pulled away, immediately feeling cold in Hunk’s absence. His face was bright red, too, so  _ that _ wasn’t helping matters. The rest of the team was gaping at him, shock freezing all of their faces. Shiro’s would have been funny any other day, but Keith was too mortified to enjoy it.

  “Wait,  _ what _ ?!” Lance shouted, making everyone jump. “Since when was hugging Keith on the table? There are so many missed opportunities!”

  “I… I didn’t know that Keith even liked hugs?” Shiro said softly, looking like his whole world had just shifted several degrees. “Keith, uh, what?”

  “I don’t know.” Keith mumbled, scowling at his feet. “I… never had the chance, but it looked, nice, I guess. So what?”

  “Never had… You never got hugs? Like, ever?” Lance looked heartbroken, making Keith panic.

  “It’s not a big deal, Lance, seriously. All of the foster families were always so busy, you know?” Keith tried to make it casual, but even he knew that it was sad. “Forget it.”

  “Nope, no, no no, not gonna happen.” Lance was practically beaming. “I’m- _ we’re _ -never gonna forget this. Group hug. Right now, bring it in.”

  “Lance,” Shiro began, “I don’t think right now is a group hug. Keith needs to explain himself. His behavior during that battle was unacceptable, and I need to know what he was thinking.”

  “Shiro, honored leader without whom we could not live, I’m gonna have to say not right now.” Lance’s tone and words were light hearted, but he looked very serious. “Right now is for hugging and bonding. Healing. Later is for talking about the hard stuff. Capiche?”

  Nobody moved for a long time. Then Hunk nodded, followed by Pidge, and Shiro sighed heavily. The next thing Keith knew, he was being squished by his favorite people in the universe, and he could hardly breathe. His face hurt from smiling, too, but that was nobody’s business but his own.

 “Listen, Mullet.” Lance’s voice was a quiet hiss that made him start. “I bought you some time and cuddles, so you better have a damn good reason for scaring us all like you did. Got it?”

  Keith nodded, caught off guard by the demand just as much as the gentle tone of Lance’s voice. He knew the nice, warm hugs were just a brief respite before he had to have some serious conversations. He knew he’d have to come clean about  _ why _ he’d lied to his team and nearly gotten himself killed. 

  But, with everyone’s arms around him, Keith figured he could handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christ, this chapter was probably the one I put the most effort into out of all of my fics. If it wasn't for the world's best beta reader, this chapter would have been half the quality at best. Seriously, a HUGE thank you to @paladin-pile, you are the light of my life!  
> Huge thank yous to everyone who has left a lovely comment or kudos, it really helps with the motivation, so please keep em coming!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this took forever and it's unbeta'd but here we go

  “So, you grew up in the foster system?” Lance asked, sounding like he was trying very hard to keep any emotion out of his voice. The whole team was in the living room, sitting in a circle, facing Keith. “Without any family?”

  “Yeah.” Keith shifted uncomfortably. Shiro, sitting to his left, gently laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “My dad, uh, kinda walked out when I was, like, six. So, social services picked me up and tossed me into the system. I only got out when I was accepted into the Garrison.”

  “What was it like?” Pidge asked quietly. Her round eyes were scanning his face, searching for something. What it was, Keith couldn’t guess.

  “It wasn’t too bad.” Keith kept his voice even, very aware of the emotion bubbling beneath his skin. “Mostly it was older couples and lots of kids, with one or two bad homes. I was usually just passed around a lot because the other kids never liked me. I was too… standoffish, I guess.”

  “Just because some brats didn’t like you, you weren’t allowed to stay?” Hunk asked, incredulous.  “That’s not fair!”

  “It’s not that simple, Hunk.” Keith thought back, remembering every fight, every broken piece of furniture, every shattered window, every stolen personal item. “Because we all grew up in the system, we were all pretty scruffy, and I guess a bit more prone to fighting. I was mostly blamed, though, so I was deemed the worst of the bunch. Honestly, it’s a miracle the Garrison even bothered letting me in.”

  “It’s a good thing they did.” Shiro’s gaze was intense, and Keith couldn’t make himself meet it for more than a few moments before looking down. “What about the bad homes?”

  “Well, this has been fun.” Keith leapt up to his feet, eager to flee from the horror of retelling those particular stories.  _ Let’s just keep those swept under the rug, yep, all nice and repressed… _

  “Keith.” Lance’s voice was soft. “Buddy, you don’t have to tell us everything. We can talk about something else.”

  Warmth blossomed in the Red Paladin’s chest, reminding him of every purr Red had ever graced him with. When Keith looked at Lance, he smiled faintly. Lance’s face wasn’t scrunched up in pity, like Hunk’s, or full of curiosity, like Pidge’s, or even sad, like Shiro’s. Lance just looked concerned, his blue eyes full of compassion. He didn’t look at Keith like he was a ticking time bomb of unstable emotions, or like he was a small child to be guarded. He looked at Keith like Keith was an equal, a friend, whose pain was to be acknowledged, but not pitied. Keith’s smile grew just a bit more as he sat back down. “Ok then, sharpshooter, get talking.” 

  “Why did you fly ahead like that? Why didn’t you let us go with you?” Lance didn’t skip a beat, instead facing the problem head on. Keith appreciated his bluntness.

  “Uh, I don’t really remember.” Just because he appreciated it didn’t mean it was easy to respond to. “It’s all just kind of a blur, really.”

_ Fear for his friends - his impromptu family. Pain shared between Lion and Paladin. Nothing back on Earth except an empty shack full of foggy memories. Desperation so think he choked on it. The knowledge his team could move on after his passing to complete the mission. The explosions so loud, louder than anything he’d ever heard before. Heat, intense heat, pain, so much pain, no air, just choking, panic, confusion, a ringing in his ears- _

__ “You turned off your comms system, Keith.” Pidge’s voice wavered, and Keith turned from Lance to meet her angry glare. “We kept screaming for you to turn around, and you didn’t even hesitate.”

  “I know.” Keith knew he messed up, knew he’d hurt his team, but he couldn’t figure out  _ why _ . Was it because he’d ignored them? Were they all like Lance, convinced he’d done it for glory? Why were people so damn  _ confusing _ ? “I’m sorry.”

  “Keith, why are you sorry?” Shiro asked suddenly. Keith snapped his gaze towards the Black Paladin, confused. “Why do you think we’re all upset?”

_ Fuck I didn’t sign up for this. What do I say? Is this a trick question? Dammit, Shiro, we both know I don’t know the answer to this. Fuck, he’s staring, he really wants an answer, shit, just say SOMETHING! _ “Uh, because I turned off my comms and ignored you guys?” Shiro sighed, closing his eyes, and looked as though he was asking some deity for patience. Keith swallowed, hating that he’d answered wrong, but not knowing just how wrong.

  “Keith, dude,  _ seriously _ ?!” Hunk yelped, making Keith flinch in surprise. “No, dude, we’re all upset because you went off into danger alone and got hurt! We’re upset that you don’t seem to care that you nearly blew yourself up! We’re  _ worried about you _ !”

  “Oh.” Keith blinked, caught completely off guard. He processed the information. “ _ Ohhh… _ ”

  “‘Oh’, he says!” Lance spoke up, throwing his arms in the air dramatically. “Like it’s such a strange idea for his  _ team _ to give a damn about his wellbeing!”

  “Given his past, Lance, it probably  _ is _ a strange concept to him,” reasoned Pidge. She turned to Keith again, this time her expression softer. “We care about you, stupid. I don’t need to go losing any other big brothers, and you nearly made me do that.  _ That’s _ why I’m upset.”

  “Oh.”  _ Wow, way to accurately express your emotions. You’re doing great, Keith, seriously, keep it up. _ “Okay.”  _ Nailed it. _

  “I’m going to interpret that,” Lance announced, “as ‘Oh, wow, guys, sorry I’m emotionally stunted but I love you all, too, and I’m really sorry for being a mullet-headed idiot! I’ll never do that again, I love you all, Lance is amazing, this was a good talk and I’m glad we had it!’”

“Sure, Lance.” Keith struggled to make his voice even, but he must not have done a great job, judging by how quickly Hunk had started hugging him. “That’s exactly, word for word, what I wanted to say.”  _ Well, at least you managed to say SOMETHING slightly less gay to him for once. That was probably enough sarcasm to throw him off. Now there’s no way he’ll ever know about your super crush. _

_   … _

_   Yeah, right. _

  “Alright, you two, that’s enough.” Shiro’s voice drew Keith out of his own musing.  _ Not now, gay thoughts _ . Shiro stood up as he spoke. “Everyone, up, we’re doing a group hug before bed.”

  “Wait, what?” Keith asked, fighting back vague alarm at so many people in one hug. That’s a lot of arms, and Keith wasn’t ready. Before he could protest, though, Hunk had hauled him up and the rest of the team had closed in, and -  _ oh _ . This was nice. It was warm, and safe, and not nearly as constricting as he’d thought it would be, even if Lance’s bony arms were squeezing a bit too hard, and Shiro was poking his cheek playfully. Then it was over, and everyone was pulling away and calling out goodnights.

  Pidge and Hunk wandered towards their hall, talking animatedly about a new shielding system they had been working on. Shiro shook his head at them fondly, then clapped Lance and Keith on the back before heading off towards his own room. Now alone, the Red and Blue Paladins slowly started making their way towards their rooms. 

  They walked in silence, their footsteps the only sound against the backdrop of the castle’s humming. Once outside of Lance’s door, though, both boys paused. Keith had been about to keep walking, but something drew his gaze to Lance’s blue one instead. 

  “You know, it’s pretty easy to pretend like that was all that needed to be said.” Lance’s voice was soft as he spoke, and his expression was uncharacteristically serious. “But I think we both know that that conversation definitely wasn’t everything that needed to be said. There’s still a lot going on that you’re trying to work through, isn’t there?”

  “So what if there is?” Keith demanded, tensing up. He wasn’t used to being read so thoroughly, as if Lance could see everything happening inside his head. 

 “I’m not gonna pressure you, man.” Lance held up his hands placatingly, seemingly unsurprised by Keith’s defensiveness. “I just want to let you know that I’m here for you. We all are. But, well, I always thought that we make a pretty good team, samurai. I trust you, and I want you to know you can trust me.”

  Keith gaped, the tension leaking from his shoulders, completely caught off guard. He quickly shut his mouth, though, and tried to formulate a response. 

_ Tell him you think that you are a good team! No, wait, say that you trust him! No, no, say that you’re really glad you know him! Tell him you think he’s hot! Wait, NO, not that! Just say- _

  “Yeah, uh, we are a good team.” Keith coughed awkwardly. “I’ll keep-yeah, I’ll keep that all in mind, Lance.”

  “Cool.” Lance grinned, but it did nothing to soothe Keith’s internal struggle. It was way too soft and genuine, and it made Keith’s heart both freeze and speed up. His brain completely shut down. “I’ll see you later, mullet.”

  “Keep picking on my hair, sharpshooter, and I’ll think maybe you don’t really hate it at all.” Keith smirked playfully. 

  Lance laughed, loud and bright, as he turned to go into his room. “Think whatever you want, man. Good night.”

  “Night,” called Keith, quickly walking away. As soon as Lance’s door shut, Keith felt himself heat up in mortification.  _ Did I seriously just flirt with him, oh my god, what is wrong with me?! _

  He hurriedly opened his door to his own room, and let it close behind him as he flopped into bed. The events of the day started replaying in his mind, focusing in on the hugs. A stupid grin spread as he remembered the warmth of his new family around him, the love in their eyes and words. He remembered all of the lectures about safety, but know understood the care behind them. A large, childish grin spread across his cheeks.

  Having a family was pretty cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then he proceeded to think about literally everything Lance did and squealed into his pillow for twenty minutes before finally falling asleep.
> 
>  
> 
> So, this took forever for about four hundred reasons, and I'm really sorry. I've been sick, I've had rehearsal go insanely lat(I'm Peter Quince in A Midsummer's Night Dream, woohoo), and I've had a ton of other stuff happening at home. I'm going to try to get this fic updated on weekends, but who knows. I will, however, do my best to update more frequently.
> 
> Anyway, I like to imagine that 95% of Keith's inner dialogue is basically 'what the fuck is going on I'm so confused' and 'wait was that Too Gay or just the Right Amount?', with a healthy dose of 'wow I'm such an idiot'. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading! Please leave some kudos or a comment, they really help motivate me! It's nice to see my work appreciated, and I adore all of the comments, and I often reread them before writing. So, please, leave some more!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha I guess Lance IS the father

  Lance woke like he did most mornings - carefully, his senses falling into awareness one by one. First came touch - the soft blanket, the gentle rub of his face mask, the built up heat around his ears because of the borrowed headphones. Then hearing - the gentle rise and fall of the notes of some song Pidge had downloaded back on earth. Next was the taste of his own mouth, followed quickly by the smells of whatever Hunk was whipping up for breakfast. Finally, he sat up, pulling his mask off to look around his room.

  It was a lot like the others’ rooms, he guessed - bare, with only his jacket draped across his desk chair to give the room some feel to it. Saving the universe left too little time for interior design, it seemed. With a disgruntled sigh, Lance slowly rose up, stretching out, and pulling the headphones off. Technically, he shouldn’t sleep with them, but nobody really care(or knew), so it was fine. 

  A few minutes later, Lance was dressed and ready to face the day. He had his jacket on, a good mood ready, and a few new pick up lines to try out. Today was going to be good.

* * *

 

  At breakfast, every member of the team was settled, content to eat in a peaceful quiet. Lance knew that Hunk’s strange concoctions were the best possible outcome when it came to their space diets, but that didn’t necessarily mean much, considering their goopy alternative.  The knowledge didn’t ease his craving for his mother’s home cooking, though. 

  Before he could start drowning in his memories, though, Pidge spoke up. “So, since we aren’t necessarily doing anything, I wanted to ask something.”

  Shiro and Allura both nodded for her to continue. Pidge, however, was glowering at her plate, and missed the cue. She continued speaking, though. “I think I have a lead on my dad and brother. But we’d need access to another slave ship for me to fill in the gaps in my info. After that, though, I think I could get a solid lead.”

  Allura and Shiro shared a look, one that only parents seemed able to perfect. Slowly, Shiro turned to look at the Green Paladin, expression tired. “Pidge, please look at me.” She looked up, face already scrunched up in anger. “We can’t. We have to focus on the mission. Right now, we’re on our way to secure an alliance with Notlimah. They have important resources that we need, as well as a militia that would be very beneficial in the war, and-”

  “I don’t care!” Pidge snapped, making Hunk and Keith both jumped. Lance, having enough young nieces and nephews, saw it coming. It didn’t stop the pain in his chest, though. “I’m so close, Shiro, I  _ know _ I am! It wouldn’t take long, it’s just a quick in and out, plus we can free whoever we find!”

  “Pidge, if we weren’t heading the war effort, I would say yes. But we  _ can’t _ .” Shiro’s voice was heavy with guilt. “It’s too dangerous.”

  Hunk slowly stood, obviously seeing the pure fury building in Pidge’s face.  “I’m gonna… Yeah, no, I’m just gonna go. Coran? Keith?”

  “I’m right behind you, Number Two!” Coran jumped up, quickly dragging both Keith and Hunk out. Lance took one look at Pidge’s enraged face, and decided to stay. He just hoped he wouldn’t regret it too much later.

  “You’re just scared, Shiro!” Pidge was standing now. “You panic every time we’re on a Galra ship! You don’t have to come! We can do this without you - we’ve gotten very good at  _ that _ lately.” Pidge’s voice was icy, her whole body thrumming with anger and desperation.

  “Pidge, that’s enough.” Allura finally spoke up, slowly rising as well. She raised her hands in a placating gesture, trying to keep her voice soothing but firm. “Shiro and I are in agreement - the Coalition must come first. As soon as we can, we will find your family. But we need to focus.”

  “I wasn’t even asking  _ you _ !” Pidge’s voice was rising, and Lance could see the explosion from a mile away. He knew women - he had his mother and sisters to teach him when a lady was about to drop some bomb to end a fight. Now, knowing Pidge, Lance knew this would be an absolutely brutal finishing move. He wanted to end it, to stop the damage before it could be dealt, but a sense of morbid curiosity was welling up, freezing Lance to his chair. “You’re not our leader! You’re not even a  _ princess _ anymore-you’re just a  _ temporary _ Paladin!”

  “Pidge!” Shiro’s voice was hard as he rose from his seat, every bit the commanding officer. “That is  _ enough _ ! You are to stay on this ship until ordered otherwise! Do you understand me?”

  “No, I don’t!”  _ Oh man, she isn’t done. Hurricane Pidge is in full swing. Voltron save us.  _ “You aren’t even a  _ Paladin _ ! You were  _ rejected _ , Shiro, and you have no authority! You’re only ever able to fly the Black Lion when Allura can’t leave the castle, and Black  _ pities _ you! We all know that you only flew her a while ago because Allura had to back us up! We can all feel your desperation to fly, we all just try to spare your dignity! Keith is our leader, now, and you aren’t even his right hand! Lance is! You’ve been demoted, and now you have no right to keep me here!”

  “Demoted or not, an order is an order,  _ cadet _ .” Shiro’s voice was an icy contrast to Pidge’s impassioned yelling. “Retire to your quarters. That’s an order from your senior officer. Dismissed.” Shiro marched from the room, a surprisingly silent Allura at his heels. Pidge was still standing, her hands still planted on the table where she’d slammed them earlier. He breathing was heavy, and there were unshed tears in her eyes. Slowly, she turned to Lance, who leapt from his chair to engulf her in his arms.

  “I’m so sorry, Pidge.” Lance gently stroked her hair, listening to her broken gasps slowly be reigned in. “I know how much it must hurt. I’m  _ so _ sorry.”

  Pidge pulled away after a few minutes, and glared up at him with her fiery hazel eyes. “Why are you apologizing? You wouldn’t let me go, anyway.”

  Lance grimaced, knowing it was true. As much as he wanted Pidge to see her family again, he knew how foolish it would be to risk the team on a chance. “Pidge, if there was a certainty in you risking it all for this information, if it would be a  _ guaranteed  _ success, then I wouldn’t hesitate to back you up to them. But you can’t guarantee something like this.”

  “You’re the right hand man, Lance.” Pidge seemed to come back to herself, pacing and tapping her chin in the way she did when she had an idea. “Keith looks to you for confirmation - he barely even listens to Allura, and only asks Shiro for advice when you’re not available. He’s a completely different leader from Shiro - you have a greater sway than ever before! You can help me persuade Keith!”

  “Pidge…” Lance hated himself in that moment. He hated that he’d have to crush her hopes, hated that he’d be the one blowing out the fire in her. But he had to. He  _ had _ to. It was too risky, too impulsive. “I’m sorry, but  _ no _ .”

  Pidge’s whole face shut down, her fury suddenly more cold than anything she had directed at Shiro or even the Altean princess. “I thought  _ you  _ of all people would understand, Lance. I thought I could rely on you.” She turned away, walking towards the door. Before she left, however, she spat out, “I guess I was wrong.”

  The door shut behind her, leaving Lance alone with the ache in his chest and her final words echoing in his mind. Slowly, he sank into his chair, putting his head in his hands. 

  “Dude, you did the right thing.” Hunk’s voice didn’t even surprise him. Lance had already figured his favorite snoop would have listened in to the whole conversation from a safe distance. “Perfect Uncle Lance strikes again, huh?”

  “No,” Lance grumbled, “Perfect Uncle Lance is when I get my nieces and nephews ice cream, or when I help them understand something in their classes. This was… anything but perfect.”

  “Yeah, but it needed to be done.” Hunk sat down in the seat beside Lance, and gently wrapped a welcomed arm around the Blue Paladin. “I know I couldn’t have done it. I’d have crumbled immediately. That took some serious strength, Lance.”

  Lance felt a bit better. “Thanks, Hunk. I needed to hear it.” He pulled his face from his hands, and turned to face his Yellow friend, smiling slightly.  “I hate the whole tough love thing. It sucks for everyone involved.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.” Hunk sighed, dragging a hand down his face, looking too tired for his age. “It’s so messed up. I mean, that’s her  _ family _ , ya know? I really wish we could do something. Besides, I feel like we’re just treating her like a kid. I mean, did Shiro  _ really _ send her to her room?”

  Lance laughed humorlessly. “Yeah. But, buddy, she is a kid. We all are. We shouldn’t have to do  _ any _ of this. I don’t blame her for what she’s feeling - it’s hard to process that we’re suddenly not in a place to put our families first.”

  “Are you gonna talk to her about what she said?” Hunk asked. “I mean, I think someone should, but…”

  “Yeah, but I was gonna wait. Let her cool down a bit, you know?” Lance sighed heavily.  _ When did this become my life? I feel like a da-  _ “Oh my god, Hunk, am I the  _ dad _ ?!”

  Hunk gaped for a moment, before howling with laughter. “Oh, god, Lance you’re turning into  _ Shiro _ !”

  “No, no no, no no no!” Lance shook his head in horror. “I am  _ not _ a father - I am  _ way  _ too young! And cool! And irresponsible!”

  “Sorry, buddy, but you  _ are _ the father!” Hunk had tears streaming from how hard he was laughing.

  “No…” Lance kept his voice at a whisper, mock horror etched into his face. “This can’t be…”

* * *

 

  Across the ship, Keith was panting, sweat pouring down his face. Usually, he’d wipe it away and clear his vision, but the droid was on him like a fly stuck in honey, and he couldn’t afford the lapse in attention.  

  “End Training Sequence!” The droid fell through the floor immediately, giving Keith time to breathe. He turned to see Pidge sweeping into the room, looking like a natural disaster about to destroy everything in her path. It brought an old quote to Keith’s mind, unbidden and unfamiliar.  _ Though she be but little, she is fierce _ .

  “Keith, I want to ask a favor.” Pidge was scowling, but she didn’t seem to be mad at him. “I want to go and find my brother and father. I want you to back me up.”

  Slowly, Keith deactivated his bayard, eyeing the small warrior in front of him. “I thought Shiro and Allura shut you down.”

  “They aren’t the leaders anymore. You lead Voltron - this is your call to make.” Pidge was stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes, which Keith both appreciated and found out of character.

  “Why ask me? I don’t know what it’s like to lose family. I have no idea what you’re going through.” Keith liked talking to Pidge - she never cared about how blunt he was. She always met him, hard truth for hard truth.

  “You lost Shiro.” Pidge still wouldn’t meet his gaze, but she didn’t need to. Keith was staring to the side, lost in thought.  _ That panic and constant fear and worry - is that what she’s feeling? Constantly? _ “It’s the same, basically. I just have two people missing.”

  Keith frowned. “Why did they shut you down? Why say no?”

  “They said we have a negotiation or something with a planet called Notlimah. We want them to join the Coalition.” Pidge scowled a bit harder. “But it’ll take us ages to get there - there’s plenty of time to get the information I need from a Galran slave ship.”

  The whole thing seemed altogether reasonable to Keith. Simple and straightforward. Get in, get the info, get out. Easy. But… Well, there were risks Keith knew he wasn’t considering, risks that hadn’t occurred to him. But what were they? Ugh, where was…

  “What did Lance say?” Keith settled on saying. It wasn’t weird to ask about his right hand man’s opinion, right? That’s what leaders did, they asked their second-in-command’s opinions and thoughts. Totally.

  “He said no, too.” Pidge finally looked Keith in the eyes, and he noticed with a start that she had been crying. “Lance said I couldn’t go.”

  Keith narrowed his eyes.  _ So, yeah, there’s more risks that he noticed that I can’t think of. Good. Besides, she won’t hate me if I’m the fourth person to say no, right? Wait… _ Why would Pidge keep asking? She’d already been told no by at least three others, so why keep asking? “So why are you asking me? Why would I disagree?”

 Pidge didn’t blink, her eyes wide with determination. “He’s not the boss of you, Keith.”

_ This is a trap, why is she so smart, oh man she knows exactly what she’s doing, this is a tRAP DAMMIT- _

  “Right, Keith?” He knew her voice was dripping with false sincerity, but he couldn’t fight it.

  “You’re damn right he isn’t.” Keith snarled, quickly scooping up his discarded jacket and rushing into the hallway, on his way to the armor stands and their Lions. “Let’s hurry.”

  “Why? They don’t suspect anything!” Pidge was jogging to keep up.

  “Because we both know that Lance will shut this down if he catches us. Now,  _ move _ , Pidge!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, this is still Black Paladin Keith, but only for now. I wasn't gonna have it be a thing, but then I saw a post that was pretty funny, and I was like, 'hell yeah'. I can't find it anywhere, though, but if/when I do, I'll link it. Anyway, sorry if it the explanation seems awkward, but basically Shiro can only fly Black in minor fights, when the Lions can relax enough to reunite with their original Paladins. This keeps the switch angst down lmao  
> Anyway! Thanks for reading! Please leave some kudos or a comment - that motivation is like Writing Juice for the Unmotivated, you have no idea.
> 
>  
> 
> Edit: it was a post by the absolutely amazing ironinkpen on tumblr!! http://ironinkpen.tumblr.com/post/163966882277/pidge-keith-can-i-go-off-on-a-dangerous-solo


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super sorry for the delay-school has been kicking my butt

Lance hummed merrily, sliding down the halls in his socks. If not for Coran’s near religious cleaning, he'd probably have fallen on his face. However, the floors were shiny enough to see his face, and more than smooth enough to glide like a figure skater. The dorms breezed past, simple blurs Lance paid no mind to. He knew the Green Paladin was most likely chilling with her Lion in Green’s hangar, probably designing some new Rover version to blow off steam. 

  Lance was more than happy to be going to see Pidge, but less than thrilled to be the one telling her to apologize. What she had said to Shiro and Allura was uncalled for and far more hurtful than there'd been any need to be. That didn't mean Pidge was the only one at fault, though. But was Shiro to blame for denying her an obviously dangerous mission? Sure, he could have maybe said no in a gentler way, but there was no way to really let Pidge go, right? Or should the whole ‘saving the universe gig’ be postponed until the Holts were reunited? 

  Ugh, Lance hated situations with no right answer. Unfortunately, it seemed that that is what his life had become over the last few months. Saving the universe was a lot more complicated than it sounded, which is sad, considering it already sounds complicated. 

  “Man, I could really use a nap right about now.” Lance groaned, still not breaking his stride. He could see Green’s hangar doors up ahead, so he slowed down, preferring to gather his thoughts a bit, rather than just slide in on the youngest Paladin. 

  Slowly, cautiously, Lance opened the doors and stepped through, dread filling him. The Green Lion was gone. 

  “Shiro, Allura,” Lance called into his handheld communicator, “Keith, Hunk? We have a problem.”

* * *

 

  “So, the Green Lion is gone, and Keith and Pidge are both missing.” Shiro was giving Lance a blank stare, his words devoid of emotion. “So now we have two missing Paladins, no clue where they've gone, and a missing Lion.”

  “Well, at least they're together and armed?” Hunk tried sounding positive, but he phrased it as more of a question than anything. 

  “Was that another arm pun?” Lance hissed, smiling despite the situation. 

  “Lance, Hunk,  _ please _ .” Shiro sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose like he so often did. “We have to find them.”

  “Right.” Allura spoke up from her place at the castle’s controls, her voice steely with determination. “I think I've found the Green Lion, and with her is a Galra slave ship. Fortunately, they're not too far away. Well catch up in just a tick.”

  “Good. When we get then out of there, I'm going to kill them.” Shiro looked too worried to be properly angry, though. 

  Lance understood his team’s worry all too well. Pidge was too stubborn to quit, and Keith was too hot headed to think a situation through. At the same time, Pidge had likely already decided the best routes for a stealth mission, and Lance knew Keith could be sneaky when he had to be. Probably. Maybe? Ok, yeah, they really needed to get to that slave ship. 

  “Guys, can’t we get there faster?” Lance pleaded, slowly feeling dread rising in his chest. “Who knows what trouble they’ve gotten themselves into.”

  “I know you’re worried Lance,” Shiro said, still looking tense, “But so is everyone else. We’ll just have to get there when we get there.”

  “We’d make a jump, but the teleduv is still down.” Coran was working the navigation system, as usual, as he spoke. “As it is, we’re already going as fast as we can.”

  “Okay. I know we’re all trying our best, I’m just…” Lance trailed off, not really sure what he wanted to say.

  “Worried?” Hunk guessed, a small smile on his face. Lance nodded wordlessly, before turning around to stare ahead into the vast emptiness of space. Keith and Pidge were out there somewhere, and Lance would be dammed if he let them stay out there.

* * *

 

  “Pidge, the bombs are all in place!” Keith hissed into his comms system. “I’m clear of the area, so let’s light it up.”

  The bay doors in front of him were shut up tight, so Pidge had decided to go with the ‘fun’ plan: have Keith sneak aboard a Galra occupied vessel, alone, weighed down with tons of sensitive explosives, and blast the doors open. Keith would start fighting everything in board that he could, Pidge would blast things outside of it, and Rover 8.0 would sneak around, gather the data needed remotely. All in all, a solid plan. 

  “Get back a bit further, Keith.” Pidge’s voice was loud and clear, drawing Keith from his thoughts. He obediently shuffled backwards, crouching down with his shield up. “I’m blowing it up in three, two…” 

**BOOM!**

  The explosion, though expected, still knocked Keith flat on his ass. He wasted no time in standing up, bayard activated and at the ready. As soon as he had his balance back, lasers were flying through the air, just barely missing him -  _ ouch _ \- just barely grazing him, and he was diving to the side, taking cover behind a large piece of shrapnel from the remains of the bay doors. The droids were moving in, their heavy feet loud even over the laser fire, and Keith readied himself.  _ Fight or flight, just like always. _

  Closer, closer… the footsteps were right on the other side, the shrapnel burning from the intensity of the lasers, and Keith hurled himself up and over the twisted metal, making quick work of the three droids.  _ Fight, just like usual. _

  The droids were down with several swift, well-aimed strikes, and Keith was moving in further. Rover 8.0 zoomed in behind him, probably dropped off by Pidge as she passed by in Green. It didn't take long for the ship to start rumbling with the force of the small Paladin’s fury. Rover 8.0 passed him, taking off to do who knows what, who knows where. Keith carried on alone. 

  He made no secret of his arrival, making sure he strode along, in plain sight, and that he attacked any and all alarm-looking things, trying to trigger  _ something _ to summon as many droids as possible. Mostly, he seemed to only find communication boxes, like some kind of alien P.A. system(He only knew this because a droid’s voice was saying ‘The Green Lion is on the attack. All occupants to battle stations’ on repeat). Frustrated with his lack of opponents, Keith began opening doors to try to find anything to kill. If he was drawing at least  _ some _ focus, that meant more droids were around to fight Pidge or find Rover 8.0. But there was no one around. It was just him, alone, on an empty, ominous ship that was under attack, with the chance of anything lurking around a corner...

   Yeah, he needed to fight  _ something  _ before he lost his nerve. This waiting was not good for him.  _ Come on, you vicious killers, come out come out wherever you are… _

   A door opened on his left, and from it poured out a small squadron of...

   "Oh, shit." Keith whispered as Kolivan stormed towards him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hopefully I'll be back on a regular schedule soon, but expect a couple of updates this week to make up for the absence. Please leave a comment or some kudos-they really help to motivate!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> get fucked

**“** Paladin, why are you here?” Kolivan’s voice was hard, the disappointment apparent in his deep scowl. “We have not sent for aid.”

  “We’re here on official Voltron business. What does the Blade have to do with a slave ship?” Keith struggled to keep his voice level, trying to draw on anger rather than the dread filling him.  _ Ah, the dawning realization that I fucked up. My old friend.  _

__ “Official? There are two of you here, ruining our mission.” Kolivan saw through his bravado in a heartbeat. “What do you think you're doing?”

  Maybe Kolivan wouldn't see through his lie, at least. “I already said, we’re here on official Voltron business. I am the Paladin of the Black Lion, and I have brought the Green Lion and Paladin with me. We're here gathering Intel. What exactly are  _ you _ doing here, Kolivan?”

  “Apparently the same, albeit significantly better.” Kolivan snarled, turning away. He murmured orders to the three other Blade members behind him, and they all raced off in separate directions. Before Kolivan could as well, Keith darted in front of him, a scowl of his own in place. 

  “Going in guns blazing just so happens to work best for me, you know.”  _ No, I do  _ not _ sound like a pouty child.  _ “I happen to be playing to my strengths at the moment.”

  “I do not have time for this, Paladin. You have blown our cover, and now we are in a full on firefight against the Galra occupying this ship. We must hurry.” Kolivan started walking away, and Keith scrambled to follow.  _ Okay, I know he's a different species - mostly - but does he have to be so damn  _ tall _? This is ridiculous! _ “Zarkon’s Galra are more than willing to kill the prisoners aboard this ship, and they know the Blade would rather surrender than let that happen.”

  Keith felt his blood freeze. Kill the prisoners?  _ All _ of them? Paladin or not, Keith might just surrender  _ himself _ to stop that from happening. Especially if there was even the slightest chance of Pidge’s family being on this hell ship. 

  “So what are you doing right now?” Keith had to help. If he was gonna fuck this up, then he was gonna fix it, too.  _ If I can, at least. _

  “We are opening all cells. The prisoners will be able to flee and cause chaos, giving the Blade time and cover to take out the power cell for the droids. Without the droids, there are about four enemy combatants left.” Kolivan glared at Keith. Keith tried not to flinch. “Do you think you could track them down and dispose of them,  _ Paladin _ ?” 

  Ignoring the way Kolivan snarled the title, Keith stood up straight and growled back an affirmative. He turned and ran down the path Kolivan pointed towards.  _ Man, Lance is gonna be  _ pissed  _ if we get back. Er, when. When sounds more optimistic.  _

* * *

 

 Lance was pacing when the message came through. One second the front view of the ship was just stars zooming past, and the next Kolivan’s face filled the screen. Lance immediately stopped pacing, standing up straight. Hunk, who was worriedly playing with the mice, stood up as well. Allura, Coran, and Shiro broke their Adult Huddle and came over as well. 

  “Paladins, Princess.” Kolivan gave an irritated dip of the head in greeting. He didn't wait for a returned greeting, though. “Your leader and Green Paladin have greatly compromised our mission. We will be needing an emergency evac for roughly two hundred prisoners. Our current coordinates are -”

  “We know, Kolivan.”  _ Oh man, Shiro is so mad _ . “We will be there soon.”

  “Tell Keith I say hi.” Lance had to channel every disappointed, disapproving look his mother had ever given him, but the effect seemed to be worth the flashbacks. Hunk winced and turned away, Allura looked surprised, and even Shiro looked impressed. Kolivan simply nodded, seeming to take all of this in stride, and ended the call. No hello, no goodbye. Just knowledge. 

  Lance couldn't tell if he liked their efficiency, or if he was offended by their brisk nature. Either way, Lance was just really worried about Keith.  _ And Pidge, of course. Not just Keith. Both of them. Yeah.  _

  Lance struggled to shut down the voice in the back of his mind that whispered ‘ _ Mostly Keith, though _ ’. 

* * *

 

  Door after door passed by, but Keith couldn't seem to find a single sentient Galra to fight. No organic combatants jumped from the shadows to deliver evil monologues, to declare ‘victory or death!’ whilst waving a gun. It was just a constant stream of prisoners, all chaotic and panicked and running. Shouts burst from everyone, shouts full of joy or confusion or fear. The voices hit the walls and bounced back, striking Keith like stones. He tried not to pay too much mind, but loud voices had always had him on edge. He could feel a pain begin to fester in his chest, a pain older than any other wound he'd ever received. 

  At least his physical ones faded. 

  At least he could see and treat his physical ones. 

  At least those wounds made sense. 

_ Stop it, you're only going to make it worse. You need to breathe. Be patient, slow down and pay attention. Patience yields focus.  _

__ Keith struggled to slow his breathing, his heart racing from more than the constant running.  _ Focus on the here and now. You are a Paladin, and you're on a mission. Lives are either saved or lost today, and it all depends on what you do. So get over yourself, and  _ focus  _ dammit! _

__ Keith slowly stalks down the crowded halls, trying desperately to focus on his breathing to block out the continued shouting. It was dark, he couldn't see any faces, and it was loud. But he could do this. He  _ had _ to. 

  “Keith?” Pidge’s voice made him jump. He'd completely forgotten she was there. “Status report? Are you okay?”

  Her worry helped to ground him, helped him focus. Here was a problem: Pidge was worried. He had a solution: talk to her. Easy, simple, straightforward. “I'm here. So is the Blade.”

  “What? Why?” Pidge asked incredulously. “What are they doing? They don't run rescue missions to slave ships.”

  “Kolivan won't tell me.” Keith didn't bother trying to hide his irritation, not when it came to Pidge. “He only mentioned needing to open all of the cells before the Galra could do a whole mass execution thing to smoke the Blade out of hiding. So now I'm running around trying to find the only combatants who will still be a that when the power source for the droids gets cut off.”

  “So we accidentally crashed a long-term Blade stealth mission? One big enough that Kolivan himself is involved in?” Keith tried not to let Pidge’s unspoken  _ oh shit  _ worry him too much. 

  “Pretty much.” Keith turned a corner leading into an empty hallway, and the silence welcomed him like a warm blanket. “Hey, do you think you could pick up any life forms? Like, those away from the mass of prisoners currently fleeing to escape pods?”

  “Uh, I'll see what I can do.” Keith hears her muttering under her breath, but he can't understand a word coming from her mouth. He keeps himself busy with moving through the abandoned corridors, focused on trying to find any trace of where the enemy had gone. She speaks up again, but it’s not with any new information. “How angry do you think everyone’s gonna be when we get back?”

  “I’m not sure.” Keith carefully peeked around a corner, checking for anyone. With the coast clear, he carries on. “Technically, we aren’t disobeying orders. I  _ am _ the Black Paladin, after all. If anything, we all need to have a talk about who gets the final say in things, since we never really -”

  “That’s not what I meant, Keith.” Pidge’s voice was suddenly small. “I yelled at Shiro and Allura, and I said some really mean stuff. Stuff I didn’t mean. I even said some mean stuff to Lance. Plus, they probably don’t know we’re missing yet, so they think we’re safe. What if this goes wrong? What if I begged you to come, and one of us gets hurt? What if we  _ die _ ? They’re gonna hate themselves, and they’re gonna think  _ I _ hate them, and I’ll never see my brother and dad again! Keith, what if we messed up? What if we can't fix this? What if they all have to come and collect our bodies and we never get to tell them we're sorry? Keith, I want to go _home_.”

   Her voice wobbled and broke a little on the word home. The pain in her voice stung him, struck him deep in his heart, spreading the ache through his whole body. “Pidge, we’re going to get back. We’re going to see everyone again.” He made his voice hard, full of a conviction he wasn’t sure he felt. “When we get back,"  _When is more optimistic than if,_   _"_ you’re going to apologize. They’re going to forgive you. We’re all going to laugh and do another one of those dumb group hugs that make me feel weird and mushy and that you secretly adore because Hunk usually picks you up and spins you around.”

  “It’s gonna be okay?” Pidge whispered, desperate for reassurance, and Keith is kind of smacked in the face with the realization that she’s still so young.  _ So am I, but she’s still young in body and mind and soul. She's never been alone like this before, never been in such a scary situation. it's just us, alone and scared and separated from the team. She's never had to worry about her words being the last thing she'd ever say to someone, or the effect those words would have on them after she dies. She's too young for that. She shouldn’t have to worry about this kind of shit. No one should.This isn’t fair. _

  Keith’s parents might have left him when he was very young, but they at least taught him one thing. The only lesson he’d ever learned from them had been reinforced every day of his fucking life. It was cruel, and cold, but it was true.

  Keith opened a door as he contemplated this lesson. Behind it were four large, scary Galra. They all had guns or swords bigger than Keith’s torso, and they looked hungry for his blood. They faced him as one, a single, deadly unit, and snarled. Keith activated his bayard, and remembered the last words his father had ever told him.

  He remembers those words as he steps into the room, as he brandishes his sword, as he tries to look like a warrior rather than some child playing knight. He remembers them as he says his final reassurance to Pidge, his friend, his comrade, his sister-in-arms. His sister.

  “Yeah, it’s gonna be okay.”

_ Life isn’t fair. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, sorry this took so long. I got completely sidetracked with a new fic, #NoFilter, that I'm working on. Go check it out, it's pretty cool lol  
> also I tried posting this yesterday, but I'm twenty minutes late so RIP that paln  
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Please, leave some kudos or a comment. You have no idea how much they motivate me! I love to hear any and all feedback, it means a lot!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emotions are hard

  Keith burst into the room like a bat out of hell, dropped low and rolling past the initial attacks of the enemy Galra. Several shots go past his head, probably marking his helmet, but Keith just  _ moved _ . He ducked past the blades as they swished by him, mere bursts of air. More shots rang through the air, but nothing seemed to touch him as he ducked and wove and flicked his bayard like an extension of his arm. Occasionally he managed to land a hit, the sharp edge of his blade meeting resistance for only a few moments before he’s rolling again, staying low. 

  He wasn’t sure for how long the battle lasted, or how he even did, until suddenly he’s standing, surrounded by three dead Galra. The fourth one was standing across from him, it’s head bowed in exhaustion. Keith could see various deep wounds covering it’s uniform, the unsteady sway of it’s shoulders. Keith himself was trembling slightly. But he wouldn’t step down. He wouldn’t give up. He knew that this Galra would fight him to the death, but he didn’t mind.

  (Pidge smiles as she holds up Rover 3.0, proud of all of her hard work. She laughs when Lance tries to suggest a new name for the small robot, but swats Hunk’s hand when he reaches out.)

  Keith raised his bayard slowly, ignoring the burn of exertion as he readies himself. 

  (Hunk hums when he cooks. He sashays around the kitchen, mixing and chopping ingredients as he goes. When the others find him, he just includes them in his dance rather than get embarrassed.)

  The Galra’s expression twitched in what Keith hoped was fear. Keith pushed away the part of him that enjoyed the notion of being feared rather than afraid. He slowly moved forward, bracing himself for the final fight. 

  (Lance’s most beautiful smiles are when no one is looking. His blue eyes become gentle, and the light in his face is no longer blinding, but a soft, welcoming glow.  He smiles at Hunk when he dances, at Pidge when she pokes him like a little sister, at Shiro when he encourages the team. He grins at Allura when she tells off foreign dignitaries, and at Coran when he tells the Paladins stories of Altea. He even smiles at Keith when he tries to be a good leader.)

  The  _ shwing  _ of the Galra’s blade sounded as it moved into position to mirror Keith. Keith didn’t hesitate to lunge, bringing his sword to meet his enemy’s with the familiar  _ clang _ Keith had become so familiar with. He moved before the Galra could recover, and quickly snuck in a blow to their leg, making them stumble to the side.

  (Shiro doesn’t laugh often, but he constantly smiles at the Paladins. He grins as they laugh, as they bicker, as they sit quietly. He just smiles more. Maybe even more than before the Kerberos mission.)

  “You cannot defeat me, Paladin.” The Galra sneered, his teeth stained dark purple with blood. “I am Korg, warden of this ship. I will not stop until I have victory or death.”

  “Whatever.” Keith snarled back, wondering if his own blood was in his mouth.  _ That’s the coppery taste, right? I hope that’s not as bad as it sounds. _ “I get the feeling I’m fighting for some more important stuff than you.”

  With that, Keith knocked the sword away and drove his own through Korg’s stomach. The large Galra couched, and Keith saw the disgusting blood splatter across his helmet.  _ At least I had my visor down. _ Korg fell to the ground, an ominous thud in an otherwise silent room. Slowly, the adrenaline faded from his blood, leaving him cold and shaken. The pain from his injuries started adding up, from tiny cuts and slices to -  _ oh. That’s a deep one. _

  Dimly, Keith realized that the incessant throbbing in his hip was, in fact, a stab wound. “Ah, shit…”

  “Keith! Keith, what’s going on?” Pidge’s voice was frantic. “You went really quiet, then you started, like, growling and stuff, and I picked up four other heat signatures with you and now they’re gone and - and - and -”

  “Pidge, breathe.” Keith was all too aware of the rapsing in his voice. He decided to pretend everything was okay, because if he pretended it was all okay then it would be. “I’m good, okay? I just found those Galra earlier than I’d expected. How are you? What’s going on?”

   “Well, uh, I’m fine.” Reassured, Pidge seemed to relax enough that Keith could detect that something else was wrong. “But now… well, the Ca-”

  “Hey, Mr. Black Paladin,” Lance’s voice cut in. “We should probably have a  _ chat _ .”

_ Is it possible to be both insanely happy and overwhelmingly terrified of a person’s voice? I think that’s what this burning in my chest is. Wild. Or is blood loss? _

  “Hey, Lance…” Keith sighed. The room around him was spinning, and he couldn’t remember sitting down. 

  “Keith? Keith, what’s wrong?” Lance’s voice dropped any pretense of fury and was now in full panic. “Where are you?”

  “Um, on a Galra ship?” Keith rasped. “Where else would I be?”

  “Oh, shit.” Lance groaned. “Alright, stay still. Pidge, can you lead me through?”

  “Yeah, I -” Whatever she said next, Keith missed entirely. He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them, Lance was there, his blue, blue eyes -

(blue eyes crinkled with a wide smile as Hunk whips out his newest culinary masterpiece)

  -  looking into Keith’s a voice demanding he respond, he just “Stay awake, Keith, come on, buddy.”

(“I got you, buddy!” called across a training room as he takes out droid after droid coming after Shiro in yet another training exercise)

  Keith gaped up at Lance, trying to process just how he wound up cradled in those long, deceptively thin arms. Before he could so much as thank some random deity, he blacked out.

* * *

 

  Lance paced next to the healing pod containing his leader, that stupid hothead, with the rest of the team spread out throughout the room. Hunk was anxiously pacing, too, moving parallel to Lance’s own path. Pidge was sitting in the corner, fidgeting nervously with Rover 8.0 and avoiding looking at anyone. Shiro and Allura were standing, talking quietly with Coran near the door. They weren’t talking about Keith, though. They were busy discussing the fact that Kolivan was in the next room, and what they could do to help the hundreds of freed slaves they now had camping out in the disused ballroom. Lance couldn’t bring himself to care, though. Not when Keith was so pale and still, separated from the team by a light blue, possibly glass, screen… thing.

  “Lance, I…” Lance turned around to see Pidge standing behind him, having moved from her robot corner. Her hair was a mess, her eyes ringed with red, her nose twitching as she sniffled. “I am so sorry.  I never… I’m sorry for what I said to you and for running away and for tricking Keith and for - for -” Lance swept her up in a hug before she could start crying again.

_ Lance ran up to the open doorway, Pidge and Hunk on his heels. Inside the room lay four Galra officers, surrounded by blood and discarded swords and guns. In the corner slumped Keith, surrounded by his own puddle of blood, his bayard deactivated in his limp hand. The three Paladins froze up, horrified. Slowly, Lance moved into the room, carefully picking his way past the corpses to the only living - _ please be living, please, please -  _ being in the room. He dropped to his knees, whispering to Keith to try and get a response.  _

_   “Please be awake, Keith. I still have to lecture you for running off with Pidge. We’re gonna fight because we’re friends, and then we’ll make up. But we can’t do that if you die. So, stay awake, Keith, come on, buddy.” _

_   He gathered the Black Paladin into his arms, careful of the gaping wound in his hip. Lance turned around and saw Hunk and Pidge. Hunk took one look at Keith and his face went pale, a steely glint in his eyes. He activated his bayard, the cannon falling into his steady grip, and immediately stood in the hall. He would watch their backs as they made their way to the castle.  _

_   Lance knew Hunk, knew him like the back of his hand. Hunk was silly, fun, confident, mopey, and even angry sometimes. But he never looked like  _ that _. That cold, furious gleam in his eyes, the stubborn set of his jaw, and the heavy gun in his hands - those weren’t things that Hunk did.  _

_   Then again, Lance had never had to carry his friend as they bled out in his arms. War changed everyone, it seemed.  _

_   Pidge’s reaction broke Lance’s heart, though. She saw Keith and immediately broke down. This small girl, her very being forged in stubborn fires, her eyes steeled with the burning absence of her family, her whole being hardened with loss and anger and defiance - shattered. Her whole face crumbled, tears sprung forth, and she started sobbing openly. She reached out a shaking hand, but let it drop before she could touch Keith. _

_   “Come on, Pidgeon.” Lance kept his voice steady and calm, neither of which he felt. “We have to get him to the ship, then he’ll be fine.” _

   Now, Pidge was clutching his shirt with her surprisingly strong hands, her breathing uneven and rushed. Lance reached up and gently stroked her hair, humming softly. They stayed like that, both clinging to the other for stability and reassurance. Eventually, they pulled back, Pidge looking to the ground. Lance gently cupped her chin and made her look up to see his smiling face.

  “It’s okay now, Pidge. It’s okay.” He kept his voice light, choking down the rising memories of various younger relatives needing to hear these very same reassurances. “I forgive you.”

  “Thanks, Lance.” Pidge’s whisper was soft. She gave Lance a watery smile, one that he returned easily. “For what it’s worth, Keith agreed with you about not going. He thought you were right.”

  “He did?”  _ Well, that’s a surprise. A pleasant one, but still. _ “Then why did he go?”

  “I kind of implied that he, uh, was a strong independant boy he didn’t need no man?” Pidge’s voice rose into a squeak as she fidgeted in place. 

  “Oh, no you don’t!” Lance growled warningly, lightly flicking her forehead. “You can’t meme your way out of this.”

  “Okay, okay, fine,” she hissed, rubbing her head where he’d flicked her. “I may or may not have implied that if he didn’t take me it meant that you were the boss of him.”

  Lance sighed heavily, rubbing his face. “Pidge, you  _ know _ how he is! You can’t just - and,  _ that _ would be why you said it…” He sighed again. “Dammit, Pidge.”

  “Sorry,” she muttered again. “I just… yeah, I don’t have a good excuse.”

  Before Lance could reply, the pod opened with a slight hiss, and Keith came tumbling out.

* * *

 

  When Keith tumbled out of the pod, yet again, he fell into lanky arms. He blearily blinked open his eyes, violet meeting a deep blue.  _ Lance _ , his mind helpfully supplied. 

  “We have to stop meeting like this, you and I,” Lance teased, wriggling his eyebrows. Keith promptly groaned and pushed him away.

   Unfortunately, Lance actually let him go, and Keith toppled to the side. Fortunately, a smaller person caught him.  _ Pidge _ .

  “Keith, you  _ idiot! _ ” Pidge choked out, squeezing him tightly from behind and  _ oh no those are tears she’s crying how do I make her stop I am not equipped for this where is Lance SOS SOS SOS!! _

  Lance took one look at Keith’s panicked face and laughed. “This serves you right, you know.”

  “I know, but  _ help me dammit! _ ” Keith begs desperately. Lance, still laughing, takes not pity on him. Instead, he wraps his long arms around Keith and Pidge, pulling them both close. As though sensing the hug, Hunk swept them all up in a crushing embrace. Shiro, Allura, and Coran all made their way over to look on fondly. “Guys, please, I can’t breathe!”

  “Shut up, Mullet, you owe us.” Lance ordered, squeezing a bit harder. 

  “Aren’t you gonna yell?” Keith asked hesitantly.  _ Shouldn’t we be fighting? Isn’t this how this works? I mess up, everyone fights, then I live in the desert. Oh, wait, there’s no desert in space. Maybe I’d have to live with the Blade.  _ That _ would be much worse than any desert shack. _

  “Oh, yeah, definitely.” Lance agreed easily, an edge to his voice. “But that’s for later. Right now is hugging time.”

  “Oh, ok,” Keith said, not understanding in any capacity. “We’re hugging, but then we’re gonna fight. This makes sense.”

  “Yeah, then we’ll make up. Get with the program, dummy,” Lance laughed. 

_ Okay, I don’t mind that plan. Making up sounds better than anything I would have come up with, anyway.  _

  “Keith, you realize you’re gonna have to talk with Pidge later, right?” Lance whispered in his ear. Keith fought back his shiver to reply.

  “Why?” Keith whispered back. “Is she mad at me too?”

  “She blames herself because you nearly died.” Lance explained. “You just need to have a heart to heart - with everyone, but her first.”

  “Okay.” Keith sighed.  _ I just want a nap. Emotions are hard.  _ “I’ll do that in a bit.”

  “I’ll help you out, man, don’t worry.” Keith pulled back just enough to look Lance in the eye, surprised. “Emotions are hard, ya know?”

  “Yeah,” Keith whispered, lost in those ocean eyes. “Okay.”

_ What am I even agreeing to? Hell if I know, Lance is smiling a little, that’s all that matters. Christ, I am too gay for this. _   _At least this hug is nice._ Then Lance pinched him.

   "Ow, what the hell, Lance?!"

   "Shut your quiznack, Keith, you're ruining the hug!"

   "You  _pinched_ me!"

    "It was probably just your mullet punishing you for it's existence!"

   "That makes no sense!"

   "You make no sense!"

    _Yeah, we'll be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cough cough* how cheesy *cough*  
> Thanks for reading! Please leave some kudos or a comment, they really help encourage me to get chapters up! Se you next week!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mild torture warning?? It's semi graphic violence, mostly. I don't think it counts as torture

  The whole team was gathered around Allura’s navigation stand with the team in a line facing Kolivan and two other members of the Blade, while Kolivan spoke.  Keith struggled to focus on his words rather than the unwavering disappointment from Shiro and Allura. “Princess Allura, this is an unforgivable error. We lost two Blade members, and our mission was jeopardized. We were several movements deep into this operation, and now we have several other posts in danger because of this slip up.”

  Allura stood with her back straight, her gaze unwavering. “If your other members are discovered, then that is on them. I am deeply sorry for the loss of the two, and I apologize. Our Paladins understand what they did was wrong, and they are also deeply apologetic.”

  Kolivan turned his infuriated golden eyes on the Black and Green Paladins. “Feeling sorry is not enough. We must have retribution. They must be punished.”

  Keith felt his blood turn to ice at those words.  _ How many times have I heard that? _ Another thought struck him.  _ Kolivan said ‘they’. Does he mean that he’ll punish Pidge, too? _ “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

  Kolivan stared at Keith unwaveringly. “I mean that you and the Green Paladin must face what you have done.”

  “Pidge didn’t do anything.”  _ Don’t hurt her, don’t hurt her, don’t hurt her… _ “I am the  _ Black  _ Paladin, and I am in charge. If anyone is going to be held responsible, it’s going to be me.” He tried very hard to avoid thinking about what  _ punishment _ could entail. 

  “Keith, no!” Keith turned to see Pidge looking at him with wide, angry eyes. “I was just as much a part of this!”

  Keith didn’t have to pretend to be angry - he was. The hard part was making himself seem angry at  _ her _ . “Enough, Pidge. Stand back - that’s an order.”  _ I’m doing this for you, Pidgeon. Just please let me. _ He turned back to Kolivan, trying to ignore the hurt in her eyes as she turned to glare at the ground. “As I was saying, I will deal with this. What do I have to do?”

  “Wait!” Allura snapped, holding up a hand and glaring at Keith. “We haven’t agreed to any kind of punishment. We are Paladins of Voltron, not your Blade members.”

  “You are correct,” Kolivan growled coldly. “If one of my Blade had done something so foolish and reckless, they would endure our true punishment of twenty lashes per member lost, and ten for each member injured. Instead, we shall have to think of something different.”

  “Yeah, you are  _ definitely _ not whipping him!” Yelped Lance, gaping at the Blade leader. “Hell, on Earth our punishments aren’t like that!”

  “What would you suggest then, Red Paladin?” Kolivan growled -  _ actually _ growled - at Lance. He had bared his teeth, and taken a step forward as well.

  Without thinking, Keith stepped forward, a snarl on his face, and spat, “Mind your tone, Kolivan.”

  “ _ Keith _ , stop it!” Lance tugged his arm, getting him to back up. Keith didn’t break eye contact with Kolivan until Lance grabbed his chin and made him. Keith found himself staring into Lance’s angry blue eyes. Lance’s face was twisted into an annoyed scowl. “You’re in more than enough trouble already, so stop trying to pick a fight. And  _ stop _ fighting my battles for me. I’m not helpless!” 

  Keith grumbled, “I never thought you were helpless.” Lance didn’t listen, or just didn’t hear. He was already talking to Kolivan.

  “I don’t think there is any good answer here. We, as a  _ team _ ,” here he glared pointedly at all of Voltron, Alteans included, “messed up. So we all need to fix it. None of this should have happened, and those lives shouldn’t have been lost.”

  “Pretty words, Paladin, but no meaning.” Kolivan was scowling, but he had stopped showing his teeth. Keith wasn’t even sure why it pissed him off so much, but now that he had put his teeth away, Keith relaxed a bit. That didn’t mean he appreciated what Kolivan was saying. 

   “Well, you aren’t saying much either, just a bunch of empty threats!” Keith growled.  _ Just decide on what punishment already! _

  “Perhaps,” Shiro spoke up, “Keith  _ should _ bear the responsibility. He is the leader now. But the lashes? That is out of the question.”

  “He  _ must _ pay,” growled Kolivan. One of his companions leaned forward, finally moving, and seemed to murmur something to the leader. The rest of the team, despite the still quiet, heard nothing. Kolivan began nodding, though. Finally he turned to stare straight into Keith’s eyes and spoke. “Black Paladin, if you wish to accept responsibility, then you must agree to accept the punishment. Do you understand?”

  “Wait, I -” Pidge tried speaking up again, stepping forward to be heard, but Keith reached out and grabbed her shoulder. 

   “I said to stand down, Pidge.” Keith ordered, refusing to look her in the eye, instead glaring at Kolivan. “If you can’t hold your tongue, then you will leave.” He met Kolivan’s gaze unflinchingly. “I will accept. What is it?”

  Before Kolivan could speak, the whole team erupted into protests. 

  “No! It’s my fault, too!”

  “Keith, what the hell did I  _ just _ say about fighting others’ battles!”

  “Wait, you don’t even know what they want!”

  “You can’t just accept!”

  “Enough!” Keith held his hands up, secretly shocked that they all listened. “I said I’ll accept, and I mean it. If you all can’t respect that, then  _ leave. _ ”

  “Keith, we aren’t going to just sit by and let you -” Keith turned and cut Hunk off.

  “Then leave. That is an order.” He turned to glare at everyone in the room that wasn’t a Galra. “All of you. I am the Black Paladin, and I am ordering you all to leave. Now.”

  He fought hard to keep his voice steady.  _ They can’t watch. They’ll just freak out. I have to keep them from this. _ He had spent too many years being forced to watch other kids take beatings and other punishments. He knew the lingering pain of watching someone else suffer right before their eyes. 

  (He could still hear Kai’s screaming from when he was eight and she had covered for him when he had taken extra food from the table. She had been sore for days later, but had continuously reassured him it wasn’t his fault. That never stopped the nightmares, though.)

  “Keith, we aren’t going to -” Shiro started, but Keith cut him off, too.

  “You made me leader, Shiro. Now you have to live with it.” Keith pointed to the door,keeping his face cold and impassive.  _ God I hope they can’t tell how much I’m freaking out. _

* * *

 

  Lance couldn’t believe his eyes. Keith was standing before the team, his back to the Blade, his eyes the same violet as the countless nebulae they had seen. His jaw was set in a firm scowl.  _ Why is he only now being the leader I always knew he could be? He always chooses the worst time to be amazing. _

  Keith turned his intense glare on Lance, but quickly skipped it to stare down everyone. Lance sighed heavily, knowing what he was about to do was going to be stupid. But he’d have to stand by Keith - he was the right hand, after all. He stepped up to Allura’s pedestal and faced his team. “Keith is right, guys. Let’s go.”

  Without waiting for Keith to scowl or smile, he gently clasped Pidge’s shoulder and led her away. Hunk and Coran followed as well. Allura and Shiro said something quietly, either to Keith or each other Lance didn’t know, and started after them as well. Before they could reach the door, though, Pidge turned around.

  “I am  _ not _ letting him take the fall again!” She lunged, as though to break past Lance, and tried to make her way back to Keith. “I’m not letting him do this alone!”

  Lance went to grab her, but Hunk beat him to it. Lance gaped in surprise at his friend as he scooped Pidge up effortlessly, grunting when she elbowed him in the gut. “It’s Uncle Hunk’s turn right?”

  Lance smiled at his old friend, relieved that he didn’t have to do the whole ‘tough love’ thing anymore. It was draining and left him feeling horrible. Shiro and Allura swept by, helping Hunk soothe Pidge as she cursed and squired. Coran was already gone, having left the room first. When the last of the team had left, Lance quickly shut the door, locking them out. He heard Shiro banging on it from the other side, so he casually shouted “I’ll catch up later, okay?”

  He turned back to see Keith scowling, so he threw up his Classic Finger Guns (trademark pending). Keith’s scowled wavered, and he sighed.  _ That went better than I thought it would. _ He quickly made his way back to Keith’s side and they faced Kolivan together. 

* * *

 

   Keith would never admit how much it meant to him to have Lance by his side. He would also never admit that Lance’s mere presence was more than enough to soothe him.

  “Your punishment, Paladin, is a simple one.” Kolivan growled, seemingly unbothered by team Voltron’s antics. “We will break your hand. You must not use the healing pods. You will let it scar, and suffer through the pain. It will serve as a reminder of your failure here today.”

  “That’s fine,” growled Keith. He was staring at Kolivan steadily, not an ounce of fear in him. “I already agreed, so let’s do this.”

  Beside him, Keith felt Lance stiffen.  _ Please don’t freak out, Lance. If you freak out then I’m gonna freak out. _ He faced the Red Paladin, trying to keep him calm facade going. “You okay?”

  “Me?!” Lance asked, his voice higher pitched than normal. “You’re kidding right?”

  “No?” Keith said, confused. Lance was clearly a bit freaked out, so of course Keith was going to ask. 

  “Of course you aren’t kidding…” Before Keith could ask what  _ that _ meant, Lance waved a hand absently and muttered, “I’m fine, mullet, focus on yourself.”

_ Well, if I focus on myself then I’m going to freak out. This won’t be the first time I’ve broken something, and it isn’t even the first time someone else has broken something for me, either. But I’m still barely keeping it together, Lance! _ “Sure.”

   “We will begin now, Paladins.”  _ Why does he sound like he’s speaking at my funeral? _ Keith was finding it very hard to keep calm. Next to him, Lance casually shifted so that he was standing very close. It was a silent offering of comfort, one Keith took gratefully by leaning into it. The warmth of a fellow human grounded him, helped him focus. 

  “Okay. How do you want to do this?” Keith asked.  _ It’s going to hurt for a while, but I’ll be fine. It’s going to be okay. _ He gestured to the console Coran often stood at when he helped Allura navigate. “We can use that as a surface, but we can’t ruin it.”

  “We will be precise.” Kolivan said it as though it was reassuring but, oddly enough, Keith wasn’t reassured. Weird. Nevertheless, he nodded and went along with it. 

   He placed his left hand on the deactivated console, proud that he kept it steady. He turned and looked at Kolivan, hoping he looked stronger than he felt. “I’m ready.”

* * *

 

  Lance knew that it was impossible to feel as cold as he did. He had his favorite jacket, and the ship had a regulated temperature to keep the occupants nice and cool. But that didn’t mean that his body caught the memo - he found himself trembling and yet frozen still. Keith didn’t seem to have that problem, though, since he moved with ease and set his hand on the console without complaint. He stared down Kolivan, and growled “I’m ready.”

_ That shouldn’t be nearly as hot as it is. _ Lance shook the thought from his head viciously.  _ This is serious! What the cheese, brain?! _

  If anything could be said of the Blade of Marmora, it’s that they don’t bother wasting time. The two masked ones moved forward and grabbed Keith, holding him steady. Keith, to his credit, only growled once before ignoring them. Lance carefully moved to stand in Keith’s line of sight, trying to look reassuring. Kolivan stood directly in front of Keith, expression grim.

  Lance shifted his weight from side to side, too nervous to stand still. Kolivan grimly revealed his luxite blade, the symbol on the hilt glowing. The blade glowed, and shifted into a sort of hammer. The hilt didn’t really change, but the blade was suddenly a round, smooth stone. The room was eerily silent, but, for once, Lance knew to not speak. Instead, he met Keith’s wide, violet eyes, and smiled warmly. Or, at least, he hoped it was a warm smile. So long as it didn’t look like a grimace, Lance figured it was better than nothing. 

   Keith gave him a grim smile, and the whole room seemed to pause as Lance lost himself in that violet gaze. The moment seemed to stretch, a brief respite, until-

  Kolivan slammed the hammer down, a crack rang out, immediately interrupted by the sound of Keith screaming. The sound was hoarse and deafening and it pierced straight through Lance’s chest. Lance immediately moved to intercept Kolivan who was raising the hammer again, but one of Kolivan’s damned lackeys grabbed him and lifted him from the ground. Lance kicked and squirmed, trying to break free. Kolivan didn’t even pause as he raised the hammer and brought it back down, again and again and  _ again _ . 

  “ _ Stop _ it!” Lance shrieked, hysterical. “It’s broken! You’ve broken it, now  _ stop it! _ ”  _ They aren’t listening! They just keep hitting him! _ Keith was still screaming and cursing, the sickening sounds of breaking bones paired with the horrible wails to create a haunting symphony. Lance knew he was crying, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The hammer just kept breaking, breaking,  _ breaking _ . Kolivan wasn’t even flinching. The monster pinning Keith down wasn’t even unsteady in his grip, despite Keith’s writhing in agony. 

  “Stop!” Keith screamed, his voice raspy, his eyes full of tears. “ _ Please _ !”

  Kolivan crushed Keith’s hand once more, before sheathing the weapon. He waved his hand, and the Galra dropped both Paladins. Lance landed on his feet and scrambled over to where Keith landed in a heap, cradling his hand. Lance knelt beside him, gently cooing. “Keith, oh, Keith, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay, let me see, I can help. I’m right here, Keith, It’s okay.”

  Keith shakily let Lance see his hand, and Lance had to physically restrain himself from vomiting. The hand was a hideous blend of purple and red, the bones clearly crushed and somewhat flattened. It was swollen to thrice its normal size, and the skin was mottled with marks from the hammer. 

  “Lance,” Keith croaked, looking horrible pale, “I wanna say thanks. For staying.”

  “Ah, come on, team leader.” Lance joked, fighting back fury and disgust and a bone deep worry. “What else was I going to do? Run off and meditate? And miss all this?”

  “Still cracking jokes?” Keith muttered, slowly sitting up. Lance carefully steadied him, his worry overshadowing the fury he felt on his friend’s behalf. “Help me get up.”

  “Slow and steady, then,” Lance ordered softly, carefully helping Keith rise to his unsteady feet. The Black Paladin carefully kept his hand close to his chest as he stood, leaning on Lance for support. He faced Kolivan and the other two, his eyes narrowed.

  “Is the debt paid?” Keith demanded.

  “Yes.” Without any other comments, the three Blade members opened the locked door and left. Lance carefully helped Keith towards the infirmary. 

* * *

 

  Several hours and a few very strong painkillers later, the team sat around the dinner table, talking over some last minute alien grub that Hunk had somehow managed to make delicious. Keith kept scowling, and avoiding everyone’s gazes. Lance sat to his right, next to his injured side, and Shiro sat to his left. Across from him, Hunk and Pidge were suspiciously quiet. Allura and Coran had already left. And, with the rate Shior, Lance, and Hunk were eating, they’d all leave, too. Keith was pretty sure they had some plan, but, without Pidge in on it, he wasn’t sure what it would be. Usually the Green Paladin was the one behind any and all plots, but this time she was eating even slower than Keith. 

  Suddenly, Shiro stood up, gathered his dishes, and gestured to Lance and Hunk pointedly. “Guys, you have dish duty tonight, right? Let’s get going.”

  “We have dish duties?” Keith asked, but the three others were gone before he could finish talking. He looked to Pidge in confusion. She gazed steadily at the table, slowly putting her alien spork down. Keith, sensing that maybe part of the plan was something to do with him and Pidge, slowly lowered his spork too.

  “Keith, we need to talk.” Pidge’s voice was surprisingly strong. “I can’t keep trusting you if you don’t trust me. I’m sick of you telling me that everything is okay, and the next thing I know you’re - you’re bleeding out or stabbed or stabbed  _ and _ bleeding out, or you’re getting every bone in your hand  _ smashed repeatedly with a hammer _ !”

  “Pidge, of course I trust you.” Keith pretested. “I just want to protect -”

  “Protect me?” He head snapped up and she met his surprised stare with her own glare. “We are at  _ war _ and I have already lost my entire family. We have seen signs of horrible instances of torture, learned of countless planets destroyed and entire species killed off. What is there to protect me from? I can handle it!”

  “Pidge, I killed four living, breathing beings. I ran my sword through them, I  _ saw _ them die. I was covered in their blood, I was alone and bleeding out. My last sight was going to be an alien ship and alien corpses.” Keith let his emotion get away from him, his raspy voice adding to the ferocity of his impassioned speech. “Should I have let you tag along to that? Should I tell you every little detail? Should I have let you stay in the room as Kolivan destroyed my hand? As he repeatedly smashed it, s I screamed, as Lance freaked out?

  “I don’t keep you from these things because I don’t trust you or think you can handle it. I do it because you shouldn’t  _ have _ to have these memories or fears.” Keith sighed, slumping back in his seat. He looked down, sighing heavily. “Nobody should.”

  “You’re right, Keith.” Pidge’s voice was soft. “Nobody should ever have to go through any of what you’ve been through. Not the crap from the last few days, and certainly not what you went through back on earth.”

_ Shit, I am not emotionally prepared for any of this and now it’s deeper than I was expecting. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.. _

  “I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I know I’m not really the best to help with it, but I  _ am _ an option, Keith.” Pidge kept her gaze on him, burning with intensity. “So, please Keith, remember that. We are all here, and we’re all trying to help.”

  Keith sighed again, before remembering what Lance had told him earlier.  _ She blames herself _ . So he stood up and grinned at her. “Thanks, Pidge. I’m trying to get better. I’ll keep this in mind. And I know you feel like this is kind of your fault. But this was all me.  _ I _ ran ahead,  _ I _ got myself stabbed,  _ I _ refused help at every step of the way. This was all on me. Don’t blame yourself, Pidgeon.”

  She smiled softly at him, before quickly flapping her hands. “Alright, you big mush. Scram, it’s time for you to go to bed and rest. I'm ready to stop feeling emotions now and focus on extracting data from 8.0.” 

  Keith smiled at her again before leaving. He walked down the hall, lost in thought. For the first time in weeks, Keith felt like he had done something right. (Even if he didn't understand just what he had done right. Maybe Shiro or Lance could explain it later.)

  But first; a very long, hopefully dreamless, nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow what a long chapter  
> Thanks for reading!! Keep an eye out for #NoFilter, I'll be updating either later today or tomorrow.   
> Please leave some kudos or a comment!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loopy loopy loopy

  When Keith woke, he couldn’t figure out the cause. He was still tired, still comfortable, and the castle was still quiet. He sat up, peering sleepily into the darkness of his room. Slowly, he climbs out of bed. Keith had learned the hard way to never ignore his instincts, and right then they were saying that something was different. Not  _ wrong _ , per say, just different.

 A gentle knock. At first, Keith thought he’d imagined it, but there it was again. If not for his naturally paranoia-enhanced hearing, Keith would have never heard it. As it was, he still wasn’t sure he was actually hearing anything. Hesitantly, Keith made his way to the door and opened it. On the other side was Hunk, his fist raised, about to knock again. In his other hand was a small, blue box. Hunk blinked in surprise before smiling widely. 

  “Hey, sorry to wake you,” he whispered, stepping into the room as Keith stepped aside to let him in. “I just came to make sure you weren’t in too much pain.”

  “Oh, uh, yeah. I’m good.” Keith said, looking at the ground to avoid Hunk’s earnest gaze. A hand on his shoulder made him look up in surprise. Hunk was smiling softly, and his normally bright gaze was clouded.

  “Keith, those pain meds should be wearing of soon.  Let me help.” Hunk’s voice was still soft, reassuring. Keith nodded reluctantly, and slowly showed Hunk the damage. It was now a hideous yellow, and swollen as though inflated with a tire pump. Keith forced himself to look away from it.  _ That is my  _ hand _ , my hand looks like that. Holy shit. _

  Silently, Hunk guided Keith to the bed, pushed him down, and opened the box. Inside was a roll of gauze, something like disinfectant, and some painkillers. Hunk didn’t say anything, he just grabbed Keith’s hand carefully, and started wrapping it. Keith grimaced, the pain rising from the dullest ache into something more painful. Quickly, Hunk handed him the pill bottle and Keith popped two of the tiny, neon green things and swallowed them dry. Immediately, the pain faded.  _ I can’t even feel my hand anymore, actually. _ Keith figured that that should be mildly concerning, but he just ignored it. 

   Hunk finished setting his ruined hand, but he didn’t rise from his spot next to Keith. Instead he seemed to settle himself in a more comfortable position, leaning back into Keith’s bed as though it was his own. Keith spared the floor another glance, uncertain.  _ Are we going to have a… a moment? Is he gonna try to spend the night? Should I lean back with him? Christ, what do I do? _

  “I respect you, Keith.” Hunk’s voice shook him from his thoughts. “As a person. I still think you’re shaky as a leader, but you’ve come a long way.”

  Keith faced him, surprised. “Uh, thanks?”

  “I mean it, man.” Hunk talked to the ceiling, sparing Keith any uncomfortable eye contact.  “I still think you’re too brash and you’re too quick to sacrifice, but you’re getting better.”

  “We all are.” Keith muttered, still tense in his upright position, cradling his hand. “We’ve all gotten much better. Besides, a lot of the choices I make that end well only end well because of Lance.”

  “Yeah,” Hunk is unnervingly agreeable. “Lance is smarter than what we give him credit for. It’s pretty great that you’re listening to him more. You guys make a good team.”

   Keith shoved the warmth from Hunk’s assessment of his and Lance’s relationship down deep, and replied cautiously. “Yeah, he’s a great right hand man.”

  Hunk was eyeing him, Keith could tell, so he flushed and turned a bit away.  Hunk’s voice sounded amused when he spoke next. “Just your right hand man? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?”

  “Calling what?” Keith demanded, bristling. Hunk laughed softly as he stood up and stretched. 

  “Nothing, man. Nevermind.” Hunk cleaned up the medical kit and walked towards the door, Keith following like what he hoped any good host would. “I’ll see you at breakfast, yeah?”

   “Yeah, yeah,” Keith muttered quietly, running his hand through his hair. “I’ll be there.”  _ Should I call him ‘buddy’? Is this a buddy moment? Fuck, I’ve been quiet too long. _ Keith smiled, unsure, but Hunk was already walking away, waving goodbye.  _ I’m too out of it for this. I’m going back to bed. _ Before he could, though, a voice broke through the quiet of the night and his train of thought. 

  “Keith?” Keith jumped, turning to face Lance. He was pretty sure Lance looked worried, but then again he could very well be infuriated. Or sad.  _ Man, these Altean painkillers don’t mess around. Wild. _ “What are you doing up?”

  “Hunk was bein’ a pal,” Keith grunted, stepping back into his room to let Lance follow.  _ His eyes are the only thing not moving. I think. Wow, since when were the walls able to move? Oh wait, that’s me. _ Keith slumped to the side suddenly, almost crashing to the ground, but he found himself levitating.

* * *

Lance gaped at the Black Paladin in his arms, silent as Keith blearily opened his eyes and looked up at Lance with wide eyes. Even his voice was tripped out as he whispered, “Oh my god, am I floating?”

  “What?” That snapped Lance out of it, suddenly brought into the reality of the moment. Keith was high, had no idea what was happening, and was being supported by Lance’s arms alone. “Keith, buddy, I’m holding you.”

  “So, like, another bonding moment?” Keith whispered, still looking at Lance with something akin to awe. “Will you remember this one, Lance?”

  “ _ I _ will, but I don’t know about you, man,” Lance murmured gently, carefully helping Keith to stand unsteadily. Keith stumbled in place, swaying like a metronome. Lance led him to his bed, mindful of Keith’s movements to keep him from hitting his head or sides on any furniture. When Keith was finally in bed, Lance sat beside him to make sure he was tucked in properly. Keith just kept blinking owlishly up at him, and Lance tried to keep his blush down to a controllable amount.  _ This boy is too cute for his own good - or mine. _

  Lance sighed, making to stand. There was nothing left for him to do. A hand on his wrist stopped him. Lance turned to look at Keith, who had managed to wriggle a hand free of the blanket cocoon Lance had wrapped him in. Those violet eyes seemed to look right through him. “Please don’t leave me, too.” 

  “It’s time to sleep, Keith,” protested Lance weakly.  _ Oh god, there is literally no way I can tell him no. Lord have mercy. _ “I will see you first thing tomorrow, though, okay?”

  “That’s what dad said,” Keith whimpered, and Lance’s heart broke at the sight of tears. “H-He said he’d see me later, but he was  _ gone _ , Lance. Are you gonna leave too?”

_ To hell with pride.  _ Lance quickly slid under the covers and wrapped Keith up in a big hug, remembering that his leader actually  _ liked _ hugs. “Shh, Keith, no, no, I’m not leaving. I won’t leave you, okay? I’m right here.”

  Keith brightened immediately. “Thank you, Lance.” 

  “Alright, time to sleep, okay?” Lance muttered, feeling his own exhaustion weigh him down. “I’ll stay tonight, but we have to sleep.”

 “Okay, Lance.” Keith whispered, sounding sleepy. Lance relaxed, settled in more, and started to drift of.  _ Thank god he’s agreeable. Maybe we can both get a good night’s rest. _

  (Hours later, at breakfast, when Lance would be tiredly stabbing his goo and rubbing the bags under his eyes, he would plead with Pidge to make him a time machine. That way he could go back to that moment to slap himself for being so foolishly optimistic. )

* * *

“Lance,” Keith hissed, causing Lance to jerk awake. “Lance, do you ever think that it’s weird that the Lions are lions? What are lions doing in space, Lance?”

  “I don’t know Keith,” Lance grumbled, “I just know that it is  _ sleep _ time, not talk time. Okay?”

  “Okay, Lance. Sorry.”

* * *

“ Psst !” This time, Lance groaned. It didn’t deter Keith. “Why did Pidge call herself Pidge? Also, how did no one recognize how much she looks like Matt? Lance, how did she get in? Lance, it was a government facility, how did she do it? Lance?”

  “I don’t  _ know _ , Keith.” Lance was trying very,  _  very _ hard to keep his annoyance at bay, but it was hard when he was so tired. “Go to  _ sleep _ .”

  “Okay, Lance.”

* * *

It was giggling this time. Very soft, but very clear giggling. Lance tried to ignore it, tried to keep his head buried in the pillow. But Keith didn’t stop, and showed no sign of stopping, so he popped his head up to glare at the drugged out Paladin resentfully. “ _ What _ , Keith?”

  “If Allura called you Lancey Lance,” Keith snickered, “she’d have to say Loncey Lonce.”

  “ _ Go to sleep _ !” Lance hissed, too tired to appreciate how  _ cute  _ Keith was being. It worked out, though, since Keith finally seemed chastised enough that he pressed his lips together and pointedly shut his eyes. 

  “Okay, Lance.”

* * *

“Hey, don’t tell Lance,” Keith whispered, “but I’m still awake.”

  Lance, with his face pressed into the pillow, took the bait. “Why are you still awake, then?”

  “Because I miss my lizard.” Lance froze, surprised. Of all things Keith could have said, a lizard hadn’t even crossed Lance’s mind. “Her name was Larry because I thought she was a boy. Then she laid eggs in my bed and I didn’t change her name.”

  Lance slowly raised his head to see Keith staring intently at the ceiling, looking as though he was valiantly fighting off tears. “Keith, what the hell?”

  “Lance!” Keith gasped, head snapping towards Lance in surprise, his lovely eyes stretched comically wide. Then he squeezed them shut dramatically, and feigned heavy breathing. Lance huffed out a laugh, unable to be properly irritated. “Good night, Keith.”

  A few minutes passed before Keith whispered a soft “Good night.”

  Lance, his face back in the pillow, smiled, his chest warm.  _ This isn’t so bad. _

* * *

“Do you think Pidge has feelings?”

_ I take it all back. This is horrible. _

  “ _ Go the fuck to sleep!” _

   "But pigeons don't have feelings, so, logically -"

   "I'm giving you one more shot, fucker."

  “Okay, Lance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry this was so late but I've had a shit week lately so yeah  
> Anyway, don't worry, Keith will be okay soon enough, since the Alteans know their shit, so don't worry about our precious boi  
> Also I love Keith with no filter and no guard??? He's just so precious???  
> Anyway, as always, thank you so much for reading, and for all of the lovely comments and kudos. They really help with motivating me, so I really appreciate it! See you next update!


	10. Chapter 10

  Keith woke the next morning to  _ pain. _ It was burning, searing through his hand like molten lava. He shot up with a growl and glared around his room, disoriented. Next to him, something move beneath the blankets strewn haphazardly. Keith went from half asleep and in pain to wide awake and in agony within a second. He leapt from the bed, ripping away the covers. He ignored the swaying room in favor of gaping at the disgruntled figure he finds.

  “Lance?” His voice sounded like he’d died, was buried for several months, and then came back to life only to be casted as Batman. He really needed a drink. “What the hell?”

  “Keith?” Lance grumbled, rolling over to bury his face into the pillow. “If this is another thing about some damned aliens, I will kill you. I  _ know  _ they’re real? Okay? I’ve even  _ met _ some. Hell, if you keep talking, I’m about to  _ kill _ one!”

  Keith just stood there, unsure of what to say.  _ What the hell is he talking about? _

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Eloquent. Lance raised his head, blue eyes bloodshot and exhaustion evident. Keith hesitantly backed away.

  :Oh, so now you’re sobered up?” Lance griped, slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes. :You’re all drugged and loopy though the night, but now  _ you’re  _ ready to wake up, so - oh my god you’re not drugged anymore,  _ shit!” _

  Keith backed up, practically scrambled to flee, as Lance launched himself from the bed towards a box lying nearby on the floor. It resembled a first aid kit in the sense that Keith had gauze wrapped around his hand, Lance was pulling Altean pain meds from it, and that it looked like a box. Lance squinted at the bottle suspiciously before pulling out a single pill. Keith vaguely recalled taking two last night.

  “Ain’t it s’posed to be two?” Keith was slurring his words, but he was  _ tired, _ damnit, and in pain, so no one could blame him. 

  “No!” Lance barked, before relaxing marginally. He looked up at Keith and gave him the stink eye. “On two you become a lunatic, and that is  _ not _ something that needs to be done again. Ever.”

  “Oh.” Keith doesn’t really know how to reply to that. “I’m… sorry?”

  “Normally I’d tell you to not be sorry and it wasn’t your fault.” Lance stood as he spoke, approaching Keith with a dead, glazed look in his eyes. Keith tried to discreetly step back again, but the bed was right behind him. That, and he knew the medicine would help with the pain in his hand. “But I am dead, and I know you aren’t really sorry.”

  Keith took the pill Lance shoved at him and tried to explain that he really was sorry for whatever he had done to piss Lance off so much, but he freezes when Lance growled in his ear. “You’re not really sorry…  _ yet.” _

  Keith took the medicine, suddenly unsure if it really was to treat pain, or if it was for causing pain. In the end, Lance’s glare made him swallow it if only to accept his fate quicker. Numbness spread through his hand quickly and he heaved a sigh of relief. Before he could thank Lance, though, the Blue Paladin climbed back into bed. Keith raised a curious eyebrow that went unnoticed by said Paladin, so he spoke up. “Hey, uh Lance?”

   Lance stiffened, then slowly, with the steady movement of an about-to-be murderer, looked up at Keith. “What is it,  _ dearest _ leader?”

  “Nothing!”  _ Jesus Christ, when did he learn to glare like that?! _ “Just, uh, gonna let you sleep now… in my bed, I guess.” He turned to leave, but Lance’s hand on his wrist stopped him. 

  “Nu-uh, Mullet.” Lance’s voice was still raspy and it was doing things to Keith’s heart that he was too tired to handle. “I’m tired and cold, and you need more rest. So now, we sleep. Get back over here.”

  And, well, who was Keith to deny a beautiful boy such an easy demand?

* * *

Lance felt himself blush when Keith turned back to look at him, and then felt his face burn even more when Keith actually started climbing back into the bed. Lance scooted over, letting Keith take the edge, and settled back down.

  Growing up, Lance had loved sharing his bed. It made it warm, and he had someone to curl against so he knew he was never alone. Going to the Garrison, and now in space, meant he never got to share with anyone. He sometimes woke in the night after a nightmare, and tried to desperately find a human that was never there. He would never admit just how many nights he sobbed and sobbed, trying to remember that he really wasn’t alone, that it was normal to wake up in his own room, by himself. It never worked, so he’d often go to the kitchen so he’d have an excuse to pass by his team’s rooms. 

  Now, though, curled up next to Keith, he felt happy. It was one thing when he was drugged out of his mind, annoying Lance to his wits’ end, and an entirely different thing to willingly lay with together. Lance felt that the space between them was too small, since he could feel Keith’s heat beside him, searing his skin. He also felt that it should be smaller, since he couldn’t exactly cuddle.

   Maybe it was his exhaustion that forced him to say what he did, maybe he was sick of wasting so much time when every day could be their last. Maybe he was just too lonely. No matter the reason, the fact remains that Lance did open his big mouth, and small words came out that would change everything between them, slowly but surely. “Hey, Keith? Can we cuddle?”

   They may not have been touching, but Lance certainly felt when Keith stiffened. Lance did, too, immediately regretting the words. He was about to take it back, maybe laugh it off, when he felt Keith shrug. “Sure. Get over here.”

  They both moved, rolling towards each other as Lance guided Keith in the simple complexities of cuddling. Eventually they settled, Keith gently cradling Lance in his arms. Lance sighed softly, content with listening to his friend’s heartbeat, steady and sure. Each beat felt like a reassurance; like a promise.

_ I’m here. I live. It’s okay. Not dead yet.  _

   Lance fell asleep easily, to the sound of promises.

* * *

 

  Keith had never been more comfortable in his life. The heaviness of Lance on his chest was grounding, like a tie to reality. When the Blue Paladin’s breathing evened out as he slipped into sleep, Keith let himself match their breathing, a slow in and out. He even found himself falling asleep faster than he’d ever done before. Maybe it was the pain medicine. Maybe it was the soothing presence of another living being. It didn’t matter why, at least not at the moment. Keith was just so sleepy, and finally relaxed enough to rest, so he closed his eyes and counted Lance’s inhales. Each one was a gentle breeze, a simple assurance that Keith was not alone. 

  Even asleep, Lance was still taking care of him. Keith smiled sleepily and pressed his lips to the top of his sleeping companion’s head. He falls asleep with his lips still touching Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sorry!!! My life has been absolute chaos lately! If you want to know more, just check out the end note of #NoFilter, chapter 6 lol  
> Anyway, please keep leaving my comments and kudos, they're insanely helpful for keeping me on track. And thanks so much for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, thanks for checking this out! I aim for this to be a lighthearted fic, with lots of love and happiness because our space kids need it, dammit. Please leave some kudos or a comment! They really help with motivation. Thanks!


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